OPEN GYM

If the measure of a man is his children, then I guess I am doing a good job of life...cuz our kids are awesome. We spent five hours in the gym today playing all kinds of stuff. We even had two games of hockey. And my wife is doing great in life. So if the people I am around the most are good, then that is a good sign. For me personally though, I feel like a wreck. I look horrible, I feel terrible and I am just wasted. I have the chance to go out right now and all I want to do is lay down...not even sleep, but to just rest. Instead though, I am going to do some manly yoga. The tough part is that while there is stuff I would like to do, the thought of doing anything requiring energy just doesn't seem feasible right now. I know that I am feeling sorry for myself and entering into self-depression mode, but I am just out of it. So I am going to just "show up" and look forward to being better tomorrow.

PUSS N BOOTS

Seriously, we did showers, saw a movie...and that was it! It was a day of doing a better job of loving, but during my workout time, I got a little crazy. I just felt inside like I was losing it. For some reason, I went back to me mode. Online church was good, but I feel like it is in "not ready" mode yet. I should just agree to get it rolling and we'll make it happen...or let God make it happen. I guess I shouldn't focus on being "great" but just being...FOR GOD.

SLEEPOVER

Well, my mind set was a little better...a little less selfish, but my actions wouldn't have proved that very well. It was a great day for our kids though. I am so proud of them, all the cousins. They are such great kids! They are so great to have around and to be around. Tessa even started her own charity. They raised over $60 in one day! So while my mind set was better, I realize that my greatest accomplishment is what my kids do...and they are doing great. I have to grow closer to God though, for me, for them and for others.

COUSIN BIRTHDAY PARTY

The day started and after going to Target, I had no idea where the day was headed. I still don't know. We had Alexa's birthday today and while I was not feeling great about the day, it has turned out to be very good. Of course, I am speaking from a totally selfish perspective though, becuase I did almost nothing for anybody else today. I like to say I am waiting for the New Year's, but I think it is more of me just being selfish.

JACK'S BIRTHDAY

Well, another Christmas celebration day. I have made myself totally sick. And after a great Christmas holiday, my body is really feeling the effects. I haven't slept. I haven't eaten really well. And while I need to put my ego behind me and dedicate everything to God, my food, my money and my time and really suffering right now. And it is all for "stupid" stuff. Now, may I watch football and hoops today, yep. But I am looking at the New Year with renewed expectations. Looking back on Christmas though, it is sad that it is over. I couldn't have asked for a better day, holiday season. We did a good job of relating to other people this Christmas...it wasn't really only about us, and that made it special. Sure, there was still a lot of selfishness on my part, and every night when I write this I realize how selfish I have been, but for the most part, we did some really cool stuff, stuff God would seem to like, this Christmas!

JEFF AT ONLINE CHURCH

I don't have a lot of faith in getting anything started, but the chance to connect with Jeff Donohue tonight was awesome! I enjoy doing this online church thing, but it just seems that I don't have a great plan for making this thing work. I really have to learn to rely on God more, in all that I do, and just have fun with it. I can't put pressure on making online church work, or anything else. Why can't I just enjoy???? It would surely enable me to be more loving!

ALEXA'S BIRTHDAY PARTY

Another exhausting day, but a day that was well worth it. It does seem somewhat normal to have 15 kids over for a birthday party after Star Wars parties every Friday, but this new group of kids was great to have over. What was better than anything was watching our kids love their sister and all of her friends, helping out and just being great to all the kids. It will be nice to have some down time before Christmas now, but for today, we did a good job of showing others love I think!

FASTING

We had some good family time and we even got some one on one with Tessa in, but for some reason I feel horrible. Maybe I have the Christmas blues, or maybe I am just exhausted...just in time for a night of PAD's. That should be great. And while I didn't do a great job of loving others today, I did do a solid for mom and wasn't mean to the kids, so at least I didn't let my bad mood effect others.

HOPKINS PARK CHRISTMAS

We took our trip out to Hopkins Park and it seems like it was a really good deal. Those ladies work so hard and yet don't even get as much as a meal for themselves very often. It seems like a good thing we did, but I always hope that we aren't doing things in a bad way. I was just so tired today, I feel totally wiped, and I don't know why. Maybe all of this kid planning stuff is taking its toll. I just feel terrible today.

EARLY RISER

Dude, you gave me a lot of chances today and while I was off to a great start, man did I come crashing down. I should have taken a nap during the Bears' game, but I was all jacked up on Coke. After Thursday, when Rob reminded me about really loving my kids, I had so many opportunities to love kids today and yesterday, and I got a little selfish. It seems like the thing that gets in the way of being a loving person, more than anything else, is my own selfishness!

KID CRAZY

I planned the Christmas party, planned the Star Wars party, got ready for the basketball party and spent the whole day with kids...all on three hours of sleep. I am really exhausted and maybe I didn't have the greatest impact on kids, but to have the new neighbors coming over and making connections in the neighborhood is really great!

FEAST

I was going good today, but then there were people involved. I did a horrible job of being nice to Kathy, didn't do very well with Ashley at lunch and now it is after 1:00 in the morning and I still have to get the stuff inside from the car. Well, luckily I have the chance in a short three hours to give it a go again. We had a heck of an online church today though.

RAIDERS

I was really proud of Rob today. I was so impressed with how Bolingbrook is playing basketball. They play hard on defense. They execute at the end of games. And the kids carry themselves like quality individuals. It was really great to see. And loving, pretty good day for that. We had a good time with Bobby, listened to your voice and acted and then drove to Lombard. Looking back, this was really a fun day, taking some time to love others!

LAST MATH CLASS

I taught math class for the money, let's be honest. I taught Theology class to try and help people find their way back to God. It seems like I was more effective at the latter in the former. Maybe that is my nitch, or maybe instead of focusing on trying to get people to know God, I just was myself, the way God created me to be, and that was more effective. I am proud of myself because even though I am out of the fantasy football playoffs, I did a pretty good job of loving today.

KIND OF FAST

I thought that I was back to healthy, but I guess not. Once again, I was selfish, thought about what I wanted and didn't take enough time to think of others. I even ate food that I didn't need to, just got a little weak today. One day of bad eating and I lost my focus. Overall, I recognize what I need to do, but my discipline sometimes is lacking. As far as loving others, I wasn't really looking for opportunities to love others.

HAMSTRING

I didn't know how I was going to get it all in today...and now I know...hurt the leg. I couldn't run, couldn't really do anything on my leg, so it made for an easy day. We did a good job of loving others today, inviting people over to the house, meeting the neighbors and even taking a chance with having the "new kids" over. It made for one of our greatest Friday nights ever! It is really great to see how if you are patient, God really takes care of life. And the Brook won! I love it!

GOD DAY

I had a tough time trying to connect with God. Everything around the house is done. I have been getting more sleep than most human beings. But for some reason, I just can't seem to connect with God. It seems like the work out thing. I work harder and harder and just can't seem to see the results. I know that God is not a "results" kind of God, but what else should I be doing...or maybe what else should I not be doing is the question? Maybe I should be trying to have some fun. I get really caught up in the "being great" at everything, having everything just perfect. I wish that I could just enjoy life more, like I was yesterday in the morning. It doesn't make sense. I woke up crazy early, worked out and felt great. Then sometimes I just feel yucky.

CCC

It was a good day of meeting with Jordan and Kirsten and Becky, and the questions were pretty good. This church seems to be the only place where they really think I am good at something, so that must be some sort of sign. I don't know if I am treating this in the right way, but I sure am trying to be how you want me to be. I still talk about myself too much. I have to really watch that and become more others focused. I am, for some reason, very selfish. And I was in such a great mood this morning.

LAST TEACHING DAY

Did I love people today? Well, I loved myself, took care of myself, but I could have done a better job of thinking of others. When I got to class though, and with the kids and my wife, I did a much better job of just being kind and fun.

TRIPLE WORKOUT

There was fasting today, three workouts, waking up at 2:30...and I still made it through the day without really being crabby. So while I may not have been great at showing love to anyone today...and while I did get in a three hour nap...this was a day of great strides! I didn't go off on any of the kids, hung out with Liana and even spent some time with the kids at night. Looking back, I was a pretty good dad today. I even took off the headphones at Liana's practice to make room for people. So we're getting there.

CHRISTMAS PARTY

I can't remember when I have been this tired. The last thing I wanted to do was go to the Christmas Party, but it sure was good to meet those people. I may have lost a little of the social edge, but at least we did a good enough job keeping it nice. I know that I could have done better relating to people, but it's not for lack of effort.

HOME AND SCHOOL

Well, maybe I didn't really do a lot of loving today, but I did do a good job at CCC just taking time to talk to Sue Ferguson. I do feel bad because while I want to be social and learn about people, I hate to take away their time. Talking with Dave though really got me excited about the possibility of making something really cool happen internationally. Now honestly, I have no specific plans as to how this could come to be, but I am really excited about trying to find a way to make it work. Put this together with Kid City and it's like a dream career. Of course, I have to look past my own personal desire and really look for your plan. I have to be open to not doing this stuff and to making sure that you and our family comes first. If this is to be great, but if it is not, I really want to do what you want me to.

MEETING WITH SHAWN

Today was a better day to love others. I met a guy named Tom and chatted with him, called Dave in the car and did what I could to help others. There was some good news with the possibility of doing Kids City in the future. I don't know what God has in store, but it seems like some cool stuff is coming.

MEET THE PRIEST

So it was another try at connecting with people, and it just really worked to tick me off. I wonder why there is nothing I look forward to, besides doing anything that helps our family and gets the house in order. The problem is that today I really failed in loving others. I didn't want to go teach. I was not so nice to the kids. For some reason I was really ticked off. I should figure out not what excites me, but why I don't have a better attitude.

FAST IS BACK

I feel totally better being healthy and not being a slave to food. What was a huge step was this morning, getting up, playing basketball and being able to play pretty hard. And then, when the kids came home I was in a good mood and what I think was very loving. Even without eating all day, I avoided the late night crabbiness that usually is a part of the day. And at night, I spent time with Alexa, Mark and woops...Liana fell asleep. So this was a good day at putting people first!

CHRISTMAS SET UP

I had the choice today of whether I should go to Decatur or stay at home and get ready for Christmas. I know that my selfishness has been keeping me from loving others as much as I can, so I decided to stay home and try and do something for my family. When given the choice of something to do, it is tough to choose something that isn't beneficial for the family, to do something that only benefits me. So I made a stride today, thinking of something other than myself, but now to do it in a good mood...be selfless in attitude too. We sure did get a lot done today though, with the house clean and all the Christmas stuff ready to go!

It's the day after Thanksgiving and I realize that I have gotten away from the real purpose of this end of the day check in. I have just been reflecting upon the day, sharing my own personal thoughts. Yet, the purpose is to evaluate if I am living out your call to LOVE every day. I know that yesterday, today, pretty much most days, even right now, I am pretty self-focused. It is messing me up.

THANKSGIVING EVE EVE

I got caught up on life today, cleaned the house and realized that what really gets me jacked these days is taking care of the family. If I use the Fr. Don theory of doing what is fun, it would be stay at home dad, which CCC enables me to do. But I sure should have a better attitude about it...and everything.

MEALS ALL DAY

I got to meet with Fr. Don, Jeff and Rowena and Jeff and Bob...and the highlight had to be TACO'S...although they were three great meetings! It is really cool to see what these people are doing...but to use Fr. Don's analogy, what really seems FUN?

RAIDER MADNESS

I am just tired, and I ate bogus...just a very disappointing day. I am turning into quite the complainer, so I need to find the bright side of things. I need to really stop thinking about how bad it is and focus on all the good stuff that is going on in life.

FREDDY DAY

Well, I got in a good jog with Freddy, hung out with the parents and once again didn't really get anything else done. Maybe tomorrow will be a big day! Really, my soul tells me that I should forget about what is left to do on the to-do list, but my innerds just won't let me.

Another Great Night

This should have ended the crazy week, but it just added to the frustration. What bothers me most is that we are sending our two girls to school tomorrow and they don't have any idea of what they are going to be tested on. I know that this is my fault. Maybe you can save me and not have this class go. I can't let our kids get further behind.

PADS night

While Community Christian was once again impressive, and PADS was really good (didn't do anything) and class was...ok...I realize that this is all good stuff, good experiences. All I have to do is to stop complaining and just get 'er done.

P90X

The workouts are going good, working hard, but I still seem to be way behind on life. I can't stress though. I know it will get done, but I sure will feel better when it does. Math class is really getting fun. Part of me wishes that I were doing that class next semester. I know that Global Partnerships and Theology can be very valuable, but I wonder where what "you want to do" comes in.

Back to Business

Well, while it wasn't the most spiritual awakening that I have ever had, the decision to get life back on track sure does seem like a good one. Sure, there is "still" Fun Run stuff to get done and plenty of home computer stuff to catch up with, but at least strides were made today. Of course, what was really important was that I got done with the important stuff today, the stuff that helps me grow in my relationship with God.

FUN RUN

The Fun Run seemed to be a huge success once again, but man am I tired...but TC will be at hoops tomorrow, so it will be easy to get up and be ready.

FUN RUN

The Fun Run seemed to be a huge success once again, but man am I tired...but TC will be at hoops tomorrow, so it will be easy to get up and be ready.

ONE TIRED MAN

We had another family meeting tonight, which was good. But there seems like a whole lot to do, and not a lot of time to do it. This darn Fun Run, while not a lot to do, just has the nerves going. There couldn't be a worse time to spend the day at CCC, but we'll get it done!

FASTING BITES

No pun intended. The mindset of the day was right on. And spending time with my kids was awesome. I have to admit though, the nights when I don't eat don't go so well for me or my kids. I really do think though that living life simply like this is much more joyful for me in the long haul. I can't wait to see what P90X has for me. God, I am back to giving it all up for you, even the healthy living...give me discipline and give me strength.

Coming Back to God

I missed the talk about suffering and I continue to struggle with really finding my way in conversations...not being too selfish. This whole weekend has been dominated by selfishness. I am glad that I am changing that tomorrow.

Coming Back to God

I missed the talk about suffering and I continue to struggle with really finding my way in conversations...not being too selfish. This whole weekend has been dominated by selfishness. I am glad that I am changing that tomorrow.

Been a Long Time

Well, I have decided that for these weeks here, I should focus on others' needs and not my own, getting the house in order and making Kathy's life as easy as possible. I don't think that I am doing a whole lot, but I am making the attempt. I do feel better about where my life is, but now, just today, have recognized the need to get in shape again. I have to eat better and work out harder, but all in regards to your will.

NO SLEEP THURSDAY

Can somebody explain how I don't have a job and the kids are in school all day yet I still feel so far behind and have gotten nothing accomplished all week?

NO SLEEP THURSDAY

Can somebody explain how I don't have a job and the kids are in school all day yet I still feel so far behind and have gotten nothing accomplished all week?

LUNCH WITH JEFF AND BOBBY

This was one of the greatest lunches I have ever had. I don't know why, but it was just so fun seeing Bobby eat a ton of tacos. I think just knowing that he doesn't get out much was great! It felt good to do something for somebody.

FIELD TRIP

Well, it hasn't been a great day. I was so tired all day, spent my whole day getting ready for math and making myself exhausted. I really don't like this teaching thing, but it seems to be going ok. The problem is though, those kids don't really remember the stuff we have went over. I realized that I haven't done a great job. What a shame it is! I just hate being away from the family.

ON FIRE

I haven't shot it this good since the last day of the Trinity basketball career. Maybe this sleeping thing is a good idea...or maybe eating multiple Dilly's does the trick, but whatever it was, it was great to play good basketball today. And the rest of the day I was in a good mood...was that because I was hitting jumpers, or is it the rest thing...or is life really starting to turn around?

WHAT AM I DOING?

I have gone through a whole day and have done absolutely nothing...what am I accomplishing?

I'M BACK

Now what is going on?

I'M BACK

I just typed out my God blog, so God knows what it is, even if it erased!

I'M BACK

Well, the computer is fixed, the house is in order...and we had the best math class that we have ever had. And to top it all off, I am excited about tomorrow. Life is really turning around! Now I want to believe that it is God, but I am worried that things started to change when I started eating bad food. Now there was a dog here for the past couple of days that was very good for my soul, but what if the food has something to do with my mood. What a bummer that would be. God, I will totally eat unhealthy for you, but do you really want that?

ST. THOMAS

I finally feel good about St. Thomas and I realize what a great deal I had there. Sure, I haven't forgot about the tough times and the work that was involved, but more and more I am realizing how blessed I have been to have had the opportunities that I have had in my life. I am sure that when I look back, these days of teaching will be the same. I just wish I were more at peace, and that each morning didn't start with the same feeling of depression/anger...whatever this is. Even as I write this, I feel stressed and have no idea why. Almost everything is done, the house is in pretty good shape, the kids are doing well...heck, our marriage is even getting better. But still I don't feel good inside. Dude, I didn't even pray today.

JESUS DAY

I was so jacked about going to class. I prepared all day, set up a video and then went to class...and it totally bombed. I just feel so empty after teaching these classes. I wonder if I am really getting through to anybody. Unfortunately, while I may think that this is my territory, and I more than welcome the opportunity to help some people know God, I don't now how successful. I feel like when I was going to Famous Dave's at the end, just going for the paycheck and how worthless that feels. I hope that somebody is gaining from being there, but I really question my ability to do this.

BLOOD DAY

It was another great day of giving blood and hanging out with the folks. But one day after trying to focus on God, the stress of getting stuff done is hitting me again. Why, it is probably due to lack of sleep. Or maybe the boredom of math class. I don't have a very good attitude going in, and while I try to change it, I just wish I were more excited.

GOD CHAT

This was a great day to chat with God. I did see everything in a new way. I was much less under pressure and much more in tune with God, I think. Of course, by the end of the night for fasting day, I was still edgy and crabby. My hope is that when I get back on course, when I am eating tomorrow, then I will get back to peace. I realized that once again my problems come from being too selfish, trying to take too much time filling my own needs, trying to make myself happy and not doing or being there for others. It is a shame that I spend so much time trying to do for myself the things that I don't really want for myself. What I really want is to do God's stuff and when I don't, when I ain't focused on what God wants, I get really messed up inside. So instead of trying to get every ounce of football, instead of worrying about how to have a better marriage, I should just try to spend every minute of every day trying to be like Jesus!

FOOTBALL CHURCH

We did nothing today! It wasn't all that bad. It was a tough Church today though because I know that I have been a not so great husband and that our marriage has struggled because of it. The tough part is that I see no way to make it better. I know there is no way to change my wife, and I don't want to, but I worry for our kids. And I know that I have to start by being a better husband. So I should do that and just hope that you can do stuff too. I know that I have had an easy life, so this should not be such a big deal. In fact, I am grateful for the opportunity to have to totally rely on you for this one with no easy answer in my mind. This is a great reminder that somethings are too big for me.

SOCCER DAY

The Star Wars party went all day, even after soccer. And while it is tough to get the house in order again, really I would work all night long and not sleep if we could have kids at our house all of the time. It is great to have the kids over. Sure, it probably makes me a little more mean/tired, but I have to get over that. It is great to have kids here.

STAR WARS PARTY

Sure, I spent the whole day planning the party. Sure, we could probably do things more productive. But when we had 14 kids in our front room, watching the opening show of Star Wars, it seemed like that was a thing that God really wanted us to do. Even if he didn't, it sure was fun, and to see all the kids from the neighborhood just hanging out together, even if it did make a mess, was awesome!

MEAN STREAK

Why in the world do I spend so much time doing stuff, even when the kids are home? And why am I in such a bad mood? And why don't I do a better job of "be all there" with the adults in my life like Kathy, Amanda, the guy at the library, workers? I sometimes get in such a "do" mode, I forget about "being". Dumb!

NEW SCHEDULE

It seems like having a schedule is going to really be a good thing for me in my life. It just seems like more gets done and I enjoy the day more. The more and more I do this stay at home dad thing, the better it gets. Now if I could only find the perfect "job" fit, one where I like to go and it is a time of getting away that is healthy instead of taxing. The work isn't what is bad, it is the time I think.

MATH CLASS

It was the best math class yet! I recognized the need for a schedule today. Also, when Mrs. Rodino said that it is time to pass the torch, it really made me think that it was time. I am a little concerned that my volunteer activity is getting a little strenuous. I have to be careful, but also have to be willing to do whatever God wants.

NAP TIME

After a good day of basketball, really enjoying the workout, it was a good morning of nothing but sleeping. I couldn't believe that it was 12:15 when I woke up. I still got my "going out on the town" time in, but it seems as if I still got a lot done. I probably need a schedule, but let's get this house in order this week.

FOOTBALL CHURCH

It was the first Sunday of the year, and it was about as good as it could be. I am facing somewhat of a delimma though. I really enjoy being at CCC, but I don't want to spend too much time away from the family. If I have to miss three Sundays a month, I don't know, maybe that is ok, especially if this online church thing goes down. I'll have to see, but God, if you have any input, let me know. Football is great though!

SABBATH

Is this what God meant when he took a day on the seventh day...spend almost an entire day by the computer? Surprisingly, it was a good day and I am starting to see the benefits of being home and how the house is getting in better order and I am getting in a better frame of mind. I didn't get the long nap in, but it's coming and I am progressing. Life is getting better!

FOOTBALL IS BACK

It's the Saints and the Packers, but I can't get this God thing out of my mind. I really was touched by the writing of the book today. I was writing the chapter about putting people first and realized that I had been doing the exact opposite...focusing on tasks and what is getting done. I feel so bad for being so wrong about how I live my life, but at least today I made some strides in connecting with people.

BRAIN?

I don't know what it is going on. I should be energized when Wednesday class is over, but I am not. I am not exhausted. I am not tired. I am not excited. I just feel like doing nothing. It's like I am sick but I don't feel sick. I am trying, but life just doesn't seem to be working. I have to start thinking positive.

TOUGH CLASS

My brain just completely wouldn't work tonight. There seems to be so much going on, and for some reason, while life should be so easy right now, it just seems that I can't do anything right, that I can't do anything good. My brain just seems so malfunctional. I have to tough it out, but I just wish that life would seem to be easier or more productive or better.

BREAKFAST

I knew that once I had breakfast with Tom and Larry, things would seem better and they sure did. When Tom talked about how living the Christian life can get depressing, or tough, I realized that was all I needed to hear. It was time to stop being a wimp, realizing how great I have it and living for God. If I can just start to get to my schedule, which it seems is starting to form, then all will be good. I just need to give everything to God.

TESSA DAY

Still a mess, but I have to stop thinking of myself. How about God and the people that I am around? What the heck is wrong with me? I have a great life, but everything that I have to do ticks me off.

GREEN LANTERN

We crossed another one off of the list today. And we got the lawn done. While we are starting to get stuff done that needs to get done, I realize that I am in a very bad mood these days, like in that depression stage. There is no reason for it, other than I ain't really working hard at the stuff I am doing. I really don't like this teaching stuff, but I don't really like anything these days. I don't know what to do to make it better. I have spent more time praying, spent more time working out, but life seems so out of order. Help me find a way out.

HE'S BACK

Well it sure has been a while, but now I am back and here to tell you that I am ready to have nothing scheduled. Sure, some stuff has been getting done, but not nearly all I want to...at least the stuff that is really important, like taking care of the family and making life easier for them. I don't know why I am not getting more done, but at least more prayer time is happening. I do think that once the workouts start getting better, the rest of the day will follow!

FOOTBALL IS BACK

Football is back and it didn't take long to get totally addicted. I don't think that it is actually the love of the game as much as a way to bond with Tony that really gets me going. And I wonder if, for the next month, if you are going to care if I spend more time on football but spend less time listening to Christian podcasts and sermons. By the way, thanks for the great job of getting me in shape. I am in awe of how putting trust in you really seems to work!

GREAT AMERICA

It was what I think was the greatest trip we ever had. Sometimes you have to give up your own plan to be open to the ideas to others. I doubted that the water park would be a good idea at Great America, but it really helped to give the kids energy throughout the day. And it was really fun, just playing. It was great to just get up, work out really hard, pray and give it my all throughout the day. God, I gave this day to you and it came out really good. Please help me to do more of that.

CAMPING

I don't know what is happening to me. While I really am happy with how well are kids are doing at being good people, I am really disappointed in the parent I am becoming. Instead of taking advantage of the opportunities I have to hang out with them, I am always doing "work". I have lost the kid in me and am becoming old and I don't like it. I feel tired all of the time and the eating I did didn't help.

BAPTISM

Tomorrow should be one of the greatest days as a parent we can imagine. Maybe because of my lack of faith, or maybe because I am not totally into the celebration of stuff, but it doesn't seem like such a big deal. I am more impressed with how my kids live on a daily basis than I could ever be with choosing to partake in a ceremony. Regardless though, it is really cool that they are choosing to do this and that at such an early age they know how important Jesus is. They could teach their old man a few things.

FREDDY DAY

So I had a little chat time today and it was bogus...I just fell asleep. But I did hear a good sermon from Bill Johnson. Maybe the devil has tricked me into thinking that I am a good Christian. Let's look at the resume though, not much Christ-building! I want to do something. I want to give my life to God, but what am I accomplishing for Him lately?

Washing Cars

We didn't really have a plan for today, and it would have worked out great, but I am increasingly becoming disgusted with myself for not having any energy and for just being lazy. I just know that it would be so much better if I just got over the being tired thing. I also think that I just need to work to get in shape, but I worry that I may be stuck in the stage of not being able to get faster or stronger. Really, I just have to be like the Soul Surfer and do it for the love of doing it. I have to get out of the rut where my life revolves around my physical being and go back to where the physical serves the spiritual.

ALEXA DAY

Alexa is totally original. Today we went to Build a Bear, Speedway, Burritoville, the Movies and Walmart...and ate a Pint of Ice Cream! The whole time, Alexa stayed awake and just talked. She was totally exhausted, but really did well. It was awesome to just spend time with her. I can imagine how cool it is for God to get to spend time one on one and experience people just really enjoying that time. Our kids are great every day, but those one on one times are really special.

FOURTH OF JULY

Sure I ate too much, but no pop is a win! Suzi and Bob add so much to the family. We made three stops today and they were all good. And I didn't even have to dodge the kids today. So that was good. Every day life seems to get a little better. Thank you!

GETTING BACK

Getting in shape has been tough this week. I have been tired, but I realize that one, I haven't been working out really hard in a while and two, everyone gets tired. It's how they react to what they are doing when they get tired that separates the people who are "in shape". I do like life a lot better when I am working hard and just have to remember to not use "sleep" as an excuse for being crabby.

DONUTS

I wonder why I go and do doughnuts. I know that it is a good, free way for me to get away, somewhat like retreat time, and just spend time with "adults". I know that it helps out those who are working the trailer. I know that my time there is good for Rob. I know that while it is hard work and makes for a difficult time getting somebody to hang out with my kids for those days, that I somewhat enjoy it. I just wonder if it is really helping God in any way. This is the last area of my life where I may be doing something just for money. And while I wouldn't do it if it cost me money to do, that I make money for doing it is surely a plus. I guess really the only problem is the kid thing. I know that the timing isn't great and that the kids really enjoy it, but I guess that it is better than during the school year. Does is serve you though? It is a way for me to use my service skills to reach others, but the kicker is that you never really know if that works. And really, I have not done a good job of serving others in the fact that most of my service is to the people coming to the trailer. I think it could be for God, but just like fasting, my focus was not there this time.

MARK DAY

We went to medieval times today, and it was awesome! Mark really loved it and even better, he got crazy cheering for the green and going nuts. He is such a great kid and sometimes it is hard to just have fun with him because he is so smart and serious at times. It was just great! And to talk in an accent for two hours. Awesome! It was also great to just have time to talk. Anyway, once again it is confirmed, great kid!

MARK'S BIRTHDAY

Looking people in the eye, being selfish, there is a lot that I have to work on. It seems like the further I come I just always find more stuff, which is good because I want to be a better person. I realize that in attempting to be a better example to my kids, my priority should be to be the person that God wants me to be. So I'll strive for that and then let husband and parenting come after that. I really do wonder why Kathy hates me though?

LEGO FUN

We had tennis class, lego library and went to PrairieFest...all with the kids and they were awesome...all day long! It was another reminder of what great kids we have. I also heard three different sermons by women and one about marriage that was really good. I realized that as a person, as an example, I need to treat Kathy better, be a good husband and show these kids what that looks like.

THE VILLE

Who would have thought that we would be out until 11:00? I have to stop giving into fatigue. I am preaching to my kids every day that we shouldn't be selfish, and all I think about all day is how tired I am, what is going on with me, how I can get my work done or what I need to do to stay healthy. Well, guess what, first I need to trust in the Lord and then I need to stop being a wimp and man up. I can be tired at bedtime, but before then, I have to stop searching for ways to get my nap in or recover from the night before.

AQUARIUM

It was a great plan, that almost immediately went bad. We got to the Shedd Aquarium and the line was crazy. We had to wait like two hours to get in. But our kids were awesome! They played in the lawn, made up stories, just hung out together. Man are we blessed. And by the way, I am happy. Am I loving others though...I sure do hope so.

5 POUNDS OF WINGS

While maybe we did waste an hour of the pastor's life, eating five pounds of wings is pretty impressive...and for breakfast! What a deal! And all after a good workout. Running around all day getting the kids turned out to be a pretty good deal after all. They got to play with their friends, I got my meetings in, and it was all good. Am I happy? Most of the time. But I am tired a lot too...I have to get past that!

PARTY DAY

It was an action packed day. First, we went to Church. Then we went to see how the old world settlers lived. Next was Suzi's birthday and finally Lydia had a party. And our kids were amazing. Tessa is back to being Tessa, fun to hang out with. Mark is more funny than ever this summer. Alexa is working as hard as ever. And Liana, well she just needs a nap! But while I am having somewhat of a tough time finding energy and getting burned out, I always need to remember what a great family I have and to "rejoice in the Lord always".

ANOTHER WEDDING

This was different as we went to the park for the Leigh and Brent wedding, but it turned out pretty good. They really seem to love each other, so that is really good. And the party after was great...and I didn't even eat out of control. Our kids are so wonderful. I am really proud of them. Great kids! And now it is 2:00 in the morning and I still can't sleep...I should be a real joy to live with tomorrow.

BASKETBALL

It started good with getting to see Brownie and Francis at basketball and having fun. I got in weightlifting, prayer time, a jog and hung out with the kids. In fact, I even got to get some service in putting up a tent. But the day came to a halt when Liana not only lied, but lied to get her sister in trouble and tried to get Suzi in trouble. I have never come so close to hitting one of my kids. I don't know what to do. I know that she is only four, but this is not acceptable. I hope to use great wisdom in this one because stuff like this is horrible for the family and horrible for the kingdom.

SLEEPOVER

Well, we did get some stuff done and didn't really compromise life even though there was a sleepover. I did eat too much, but I didn't go crazy. So far, for a week into the system, it has been good. I do enjoy really sticking with the program, and I know I get somewhat undisciplined, but I am making strides. I keep beating myself up for not doing enough to get along with people, to connect with people, but I have to be the person God created me to be. As long as I am not operating out of fear, I can do what God wants me to do. I did realize yesterday that not a lot of sleep and not a lot of food are not a good mix...maybe that is why I am tired all of the time.

MATH DAY

I am just tired all of the time, and can't wait to sleep at the end of the day. Can this be what 40 is like? Mentally, maybe hanging out with all the kids...all day, maybe that is what is getting me. But maybe I just need to figure out a way to get it done!

BIRTHDAY

It didn't seem like a great "plan", but it was a great birthday! I really felt like I needed some time with God, and just hanging out, just me and God, was really good for putting life back into perspective. My life is not about myself, but how well I do, and we do, in respect to our relationship with others. As a husband, I can accomplish nothing without my wife. As a father, I can do nothing if my kids are not on board. And as a person, if I am not helping other people to know God (especially through service), then my life will never be what it can be. And to top it all off, Tony got a teaching job! And that was the clincher, my fortieth birthday was the greatest ever!

FAST DAY

I hope that Tony gets this job, or this day of fasting was really a waste. For some reason though, I am just back to my old getting mad days. It's not the fasting, it's something about my mood. I just hope that tomorrow I can do a little better...and the next day...and the whole next year of my life. I am sure that after I spend a day of reflection, it will all be clear.

FIELD DAY

It was volunteer day as we went to Liana's field day and then to Alexa's kindergarten party! We really have great kids, and that is a joy. And I am finding more and more ways to have fun with them. I think that getting my life more in order will help too, but I am really open to whatever you have in store for me. I hope that the next couple of days really are beneficial and help me to see your will for me. Most importantly, I hope to make my life yours and not my own.

MEMORIAL DAY

It looks like I have finally kicked the mental addiction to food. I also have made great progress in my thinking about marriage. I also realize what a great life I have. It really seems like I have a great thing going right now, so thank you God.

BULLS DOWN

Twelve point lead with four minutes to go...nothing is safe when you are watching the game at 317 Hale. I was really disappointed in myself today. I obviously have slept enough. I have no reason to be so, but I was really short with the kids. They deserve better. You deserve better. I try and be a good role model. I try and be the person you want me to be, but don't you know it, I keep failing. I should try and figure this thing out. Or maybe I should just trust God and let Him show me out.

ONIONS BABY, ONIONS

So I actually didn't yell, but I did get "mad". These girls are just driving me nuts some time. And it seems like I can't get enough free time, although I have had nothing but all week. I just feel off. And while I am starting to come back, it is a tough road. And then tonight, Derrick Rose did nothing again in crunch time and the Bulls lost. Same old story. I don't know why it bothers me so much, it is only the NBA, but I really can't stand the Heat. It is probably time for me to get over that though. And I will admit, watching the game with Mark Melton is the most fun way to watch any sporting event!

REST

I was a complete mess this morning. At basketball I embarrassed myself, just not being very nice and not hustling. After some naps though, I feel a lot better! The lesson learned is that I don't have to work myself to death, don't have to wake up way early, but that if I put my trust in God, good things happen!

BULLS LOSE

I am so tired, at least I am using the excuse of being tired, that it is effecting my parenting. After a good start, I have gone back to becoming a woos, making excuses, not getting done what needs to get done and being a mad parent. I blame not sleeping, but I know that it is my own lack of discipline and effort that are the problem and that my mental state just isn't what it should be. It is amazing that when I try and work out hard, when I really work hard at what I do, it transfers to all areas of life. Even you suffer.

SERIOUSLY!

I don't know what happened today. It was one of those parenting days where you just throw everything out of the window. First, Liana was a total wack job...all over a wet towel. So she lied twice, took a nap, wouldn't listen to anything I said; it was crazy. And then Tessa comes home and from the bus to our house she called Mark "stupid", hit him and quit a race. We spent 45 minutes just dealing with conflict after everybody got home. But we did work out. We did do Man vs. Drink. And we did see Mark put on a great performance in his play. All in all, it turned out pretty good. I love being a dad. I just wish I knew what else to do with that.

INTERVIEW, PART II

It was another great interview today and I am really wondering if I can swing this. I never imagined that this would be a possibility, but now there is a chance...not a good chance, but a chance. For some reason though, I feel bad about all that is happening in life. This St. Francis thing really has me feeling bad about teaching there. I feel like I should just fracture my Catholic ties and move on, but I have no bad feelings towards the church and just want people to know about you. The more I think about it, the more I think I should be working in a church, but that doesn't really work for family. I just don't know where life is headed. Is teaching the best for me to be a dad? I just can't seem to think clearly.

OHS

I started the day with four job possibilities and now I may be down to one! Easy come, easy go I guess. I have to admit though, I ain't worried. I do wonder what direction my life will take when the kids go to school. I believe in my heart that God has something planned, but what seems to make sense? Of course, what God has planned is probably better than anything that I could make sense of.

COLIN TIME

I got to rap and break down Bulls' basketball with third graders today...what a great stage. You can still be an idiot, but also talk some real stuff too! And hanging out with Colin turned out to be really good. He is great to talk to. And finally the kids did another double feature. I love those suckers! Now to the life slump. I have decided to end this, start working hard at the workouts again and get stuff done. 2-0-1-1, let's get it done! Time to step up mentally!

BULLS WIN

Sure, there was disappointment over my own performance at the wedding. In all that I've done, this was the most like Erica and Michael's where I really wanted to do well. And yet, those were the worst two I did. But Speedway is open, our kids were so awesome at the wedding and made it the funnest wedding in ten years and now the Bulls beat the Heat by 21. Seriously, life is good!

SPEEDWAY

The joys and the pains! At 6:30, basketball was finished, I turned the corner and there it was...Speedway with cars in the gas lines. At the same time, Mike and Mike were talking Kyle Orton trade rumors, the Bulls had just won their series against the Hawks...life couldn't be better. Then, we tried three times to go to Speedway and still not open...Dawg! The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away! Either way, it was a great day highlighted by the Uncle Bob (Rob) and Suzi wedding.

DEHYDRATION

After basketball and doing lawn work all morning, I was really tired, and really thirsty. I worked myself pretty hard, and so I thought that a nap would be great, but as you know it, just couldn't really sleep, but it was cool because I finished the book and fell back asleep. I still was crabby dad and just don't feel good because there was so much to do, but at least I was better than yesterday. I just wish I could be like the old Jim Melton and be fun in life. And be more selfless, especially in my speech. More questions!

MOW THE LAWN

Everything got in today, my mind is clearer and I really appreciated the chance to help out the folks by doing the lawn and other stuff. We even went golfing as a family...and it was awesome! It was a really great day, but when we got to dinner time, man was I wiped. It was the first hot day of the year, and maybe that took its tool. Maybe the running and doing all the work outside was tough. All I know is that my attitude fell. I even said something kind of in a mad voice to Tessa...woops. I am really disappointed in that. I don't even know why. It was total frustration. I really have to say sorry tomorrow.

iPOD JACK

It was frustrating. I spent another day traveling to Naperville to find out that the iPod jack wouldn't work. I questioned whether those folks really worked us or was it a common mistake. I really believe that it was a common mistake, but man it still seems like such a waste. In reality though, the plusses of today totally outweigh the minuses. With figuring some things out from my mental state and then having fun playing basketball to determining what could be better in my life...there was a lot of good that was happening. So thanks for a great day!

MOTHER'S DAY

Well, we had a chat today and it went as usual. No matter what I do, it just seems like it ticks off my wife. But at least it gives me a chance at forgiveness. The problem is, we don't make any ground. But as long as we're talking, there is a chance. I realize that the worst thing I do right now is be a husband. I realize that the worst aspect of my life right now is marriage, but I just feel like we can lick anything. This too.

LIBRARY

I went to the library today, just like I thought I was being "whispered" to, and they didn't have the video that I went to get and it just seemed to be a waste of time. One thing that was good though, I really did realize that simple is good. We don't need to have everything and doing without some stuff is cool. What we need more is people time. We did have the Talent Show tonight and while I may be a dork, it was a great night! I am so proud of our kids! They really love school, love supporting their friends and are just really nice to be around. Mark is the guy you can just be with, Alexa will work all day long as exercise and sports stuff, Tessa will make you laugh and Liana is just on another planet...but in a good way with a good heart. And Sofia and Grace and people you can have fun with. It was just another reminder tonight of how great our family is!

LAST HOME AND SCHOOL

I feel very much like there is too much to do. I know that this ain't the case, but I think it is just wanting to rest, to take a break, but I realize that there is so much to do for tomorrow. I don't want every day to be easy, but tonight I would just like a break. I know that it is me being selfish, but it would be great to be able to just go to sleep right now.

MONEY DAY

Today I actually told Kathy not to stress about money. If I am keeping score, then over Lent I found out that I really don't have to base my life's enjoyment on the food I eat. In fact, if I am doing it right, food can be just to fulfill a need to nourish my body. Now, I am not stressed about money, can this be happening. Heck, I don't even get ticked at sports. Almost 40, could it be that I am turning into an adult?

HE'S BACK

I have been sick. I have been really tired, really tired. I have been not eating too well. Well today I got back on track. Unfortunately, there is so much to do from not keeping up with all the work, it will be a late night. I will tell you this though, my mental outlook is a lot better after sleeping. I haven't really been worrying, in fact I should be more stressed. But I have just been tired and sick, maybe that is the key. I still hope to progress in the "being a good role model to my kids" department, but as always, I am getting better. I should probably stop "making progress" and do what needs to get done.

CAR SHOPPING

I think God just erased my blog because I was getting too selfish and too complaining. Sorry!

CAR SHOPPING

First the lawn mower goes down. We can't find anything at the Ford dealer. Then, just when it looks like something positive will come out of this whole thing, and there will be 8 seats in the car...woops, another model. These have been a couple of very depressing days. And being sick hasn't helped. Because of my health, I have failed to keep up with life. But now that that is over, I feel better. We'll see how it feels when I wake up. But I have to remember to not be all about me these days.

CAR GONE

So we lost our car today. Not only did this ruin our day, but man, we are really going to have to figure out some of our money situation. I guess it is good that this happened now, when we are going to have some money to pay for it. What is $30,000 anyway. I hope we are ok for awhile.

SICK DAY

After a late night Cubs' game, I didn't feel too good today. It is somewhat encouraging, because at least I have an excuse. I felt bad, but now it makes sense. I was doing so well though. And today I forgot about Liana's swim lesson. I missed Alexa's egg drop. But the Field Trip seemed to be a good time. It was great to see how good of a person that Mark is and when you see him live and in person, there is less concern because he really does a great job around all the people there and does a great job being an example to others.

CUBS GAME

I don't know why I am so tired these days. Maybe it is from a lack of eating. Maybe it is from a lack of healthy food. Maybe I just need to sleep more. I just know that I missed out on a lot of fun, and could have made tonight at the Cubs' game a lot more fun for everybody, if I just would have been more energetic or fun. Why am I so negative?

HOLY THURSDAY

The plan seemed to have worked out well, until I got Mountain Dew from Speedway. All in all, it was a great Holy Thursday. We had no official "Last Supper" the Church was closed, but just eating, healthy food, was great! I think I could have fasted one more day though. Thank you so much for letting me do that. Now if I could just get my parenting down. I know I was crabby all day, so while the kids may have been a little off, I know I could have been better. Sorry! Some days I just don't get myself.

THREE DAYS

Today I realized that Jesus was in the tomb for three days so it makes sense to fast for three days. And I will say that today was the easiest of the three, even with basketball in the morning...although my effort wasn't the greatest. Going shopping and helping my friend really was fun and picked up my mood. I thought that maybe I am here on this Earth so that I can help a small number of people instead of something grandiose! And that is ok.

DAY TWO

With every hour, I set a new record. The only problem is that over the last twenty-four hours I have become all about me. I hate being like this. I am realizing ever slowly that maybe there ain't such a great plan for me in this world. If I could pick to do anything, it is what I am doing right now, but there ain't a lot of prosperity and fame in hanging out with your kids. I'll wait for a whisper, and I am willing to do whatever you want God, but if this is it...cool!

GOODBYE FAMOUS DAVE'S

After over three years, the Famous Dave's career finally came to an end. It was about as bad as an ending as I could imagine without spilling on anyone or completely messing up a credit card. I just realized that I had wasted the last two years of my life, settling for a job that was all about money and going against all principles that I stand for. I felt bad that my friends and family paid $30 to "celebrate" the last day. And there was no way that I wanted people to know, but it got out and then it was all over. I guess to keep it secret would have been almost impossible. Overall, I just left with a bad taste in my mouth. It was nice though to get rid of all that stuff and to now have nothing going on. I really feel like now I can focus on just helping people, kids especially, to find God. Forget about the money, I think it is all about helping people for the next couple of months...and being a better dad.

FIX THE SHARK

When the highlight of the day is fixing your kitchen vaccuum cleaner, then it ain't a very good day. Looking back, I was a much better dad today, laughing and hanging out with our kids. But the key call came at the end of acting class. My logical mind told me to not go to Mickey D's, but for some reason we went, Mark worked me for a Happy Meal and we stayed up and talked for like an hour about trouble hanging out at school with the boys and how hard it is to relate to some of the "stupid" stuff boys in third grade do. I don't know how to handle this as a dad, but I do know that we aren't going to "fix" this, but that we can only listen and look for your guidance in this. I don't know what to do, but I hope you are going to keep me going in the right direction. Mark has made me acutely aware, once again, of my need to try and relate to everyone...if not only for God, but also for my children.

PLAY PRACTICE

What the heck is wrong with me. It was another day of eating, and while progress is being made, I was even edgy with other kids over here. Some days I just feel like I am doing what you want me to do, but these days it really seems forced. I hope to get better, so we'll see tomorrow. I might need a little help!

CLEAN

The house is getting clean, stuff is getting done...and that is good, but I just want to make sure that I am not ditching my kids. We did a good job trying to be nicer today. And I didn't over-react to shintamo. Overall, I made some strides and have done a better job today, but I know that I need to laugh more, have more fun and be a better dad. I have really let my circumstances get the best of me, and I can't do that.

CLEAN DAY

Ok, so if serving is my nature, today was a good day. I know that I got a lot done today and the house is in order, but I still have to be able to spend time with kids too. Luckily, today was a sick day, so it all worked. I was mad though. I am sorry. Forgive me. I don't know why I am so on edge. Used to be one day of fasting was easy, but today I was really irritable. I do know this though, I haven't enjoyed playing basketball in quite some time. It is really fun.

ROUGH WEEK

I am really tired today and I got a lot off the wagon...but looking back since Friday...I could have really hurt myself and now my back feels at least as good as it was. So I guess I have been pretty fortunate. Sure, our money seems to be going a little tough, and Famous Dave's is coming to an end...and I was just ticked off all day...but this week is over and tomorrow starts a new era!

HOME AND SCHOOL DAY

This one really turned into an entire day. First, I was late to get the kids after taking a long nap. Also, we spent the entire "after school" portion of our day at Southbury. I think the kids really like it though and if people want me to do this, then what the heck, might as well go all out on this dork thing.

GO CUBS

Is it a sign of maturity that I could care less about baseball, and pretty much sports in general, or is it a sign that I am becoming the most boring person on the planet. Right now, I would rather stay home, work out and just go through the day with the kids, making lunches, doing best and worst and reading to them then do this "fun" stuff. I wonder if it is good that I enjoy living each day or is it bad for me to not have more "interests". I do recognize the need to simplify, but what is simplifying has taken away the passion I have. Besides God right now, what is that passion...and is that enough?

NCAA TOURNEY

We watched the whole game, and it was solely out of committment rather than enjoyment. I will admit, there was probably more joy about getting the house in order than in watching the game tonight...so I am pretty sick. What is cool is that watching sports and eating, my two main deterrents to the faith, are beginning not to matter to me. I still like them, but I think that between that and Coke, there is nothing really now that I can't "give up". Putting God first is becoming easier and easier...now I just have to make sure to love people and not judge people.

SLEEP TEST

You gave me the chance to be selfless, and I lose a couple of days of sleep, and I totally fall apart. I realize now what an idiot I have been and feel totally horrible. I will definitely get some sleep tonight, but I anxiously await the next time I have to go without sleep doing stuff for others so that I can do better. Looking at the week ahead, I think I will have my chance.

STAR WARS PARTY

There was a tough decision to make. Ok, not really tough. I just gave up a day to plan the Star Wars party. So at night, I am grumpy, totally exhausted and you know what...really happy I did that. Now today we get to see the Zippers, go to Arlington Heights and then go to the Gala. All in all, this is a great chance to be totally selfless. Thanks!

FAMOUS

In trying to bring meaning to Famous Dave's, we went to the questions. It was really good. Maybe not for the people that work there, but for me to get back to asking questions. It really helped me to start to get back to really caring and learning about people. It was another day of "wasted" time though, not getting much done. After spending time with Rachel, there wasn't much time for anything else. I just don't know if that did any good, but let's hope so.

THE MEAN GUY

I don't know what happened today, but I think it had something to do with waking up at 2:00 am. I don't know why I can't sleep. I don't know why I am in such great shape right now. I don't know why I am so crabby. I know that I am doing a bad job of not letting stupid stuff get to me, so while I am getting better at not letting food keep me from being selfless...being a husband is constantly getting in the way. I think I need to be more like an NFL wife, just support your spouse, be totally into their work when they are there and when they are not there, do what you need to do.

TWO DAYS DOWN

This was the second of the two-day fast. Basketball in the morning was not even a challenge, as I played probably as hard as I have played all year. And that was with little sleep. I wasn't even crabby. I can sense every day that I am doing even better with the chance to become less relient on food. If I can lick that, it would be a great step towards selflessness. Why does that seem so tough? Once again I was reminded today that our kids are great and that we are blessed to have such a great family! The kids are playing together really well. They are so fun to be around. Now to love others!

HE'S BACK

Spring break brought a little bit of getting off of the wagon. We are trying two days of fasting and just wondering when it is gonna get tough. Part of the problem is that I got too lax in planning for the time ahead, forgetting about my stuff and spending all my time getting done only what "has" to get done. So besides fasting, my prayer life has been pretty poor. Now that the kids are in school though, all I can do is forgive myself and get back on track. I am getting closer to not relying on food.

ICE CREAM DAY

We spent a day catching up with all the home stuff that we haven't been doing; homework, exercise, reading, family games and eating real meals. But no worries, on a 38 degree night, we went to the playground in flip flops, traveled downtown Oswego and got ICE CREAM. So while I was still crabby and not a great Dad, we had a great day!

WACKED OUT

It has happened again. We are on Spring Break, and I just can't get anything done. I feel like everything is getting bad...prayer life, workouts, living for other people. Every once in a while I realize that I really have it good right now and during periods like this I just need to "suck it up".

CARNIVAL OF ANIMALS

I did a good job, and it was cool to hang out with Steve. And watching Tim Tebow, of course, awesome. Jogging with Freddy was even good. Sure, my eating wasn't very good for a fasting day, but it is a work in progress. The play at night was really good. Mark seemed to really enjoy himself and did a really great job of singing and playing the glocks. Most importantly, he showed his best and had a great performance, no nerves, no scaredness. He was great! On my end, I could have done a better job of relating to people, but it's a work in progress.

CAR IN THE SHOP

I really didn't do anything today. We did get the kids from school, and had a great time at night wrestling and reading books. We even took a bath. I did call Jeff McMahon and got a ride to the shop, but man, what do I do all day?

FUN HOOPS

It was a great day of basketball. I don't even know if we won or lost, but my sense is that we won. I just didn't get mad and really enjoyed playing. Maybe it was because I got to sit out every game so I didn't get tired. Or maybe I am getting more mature. I can tell you this, praying for people has been great and fasting is getting easier and easier. I may be on to something.

FRIEND DAY

The fasting thing is becoming too easy. I am getting past the dependence upon food. But for some reason, I just can't sleep, so this may be a long one. I will say the highlight of today was Friend's Day. We had 5 people over today, and they weren't the best kids, but our kids really excelled. They were flat out awesome, being nice and even telling them when they were doing things they shouldn't do. We have great kids, and we are grateful. Looking back at the day, and what I like about praying for others, other than talk to parents at drop off, I really did nothing to love others. So fasting and praying for families seems like it serves a purpose on days when there just ain't time to do for others.

NEW CAR

We did it, we bought a car and paid cash for it. So that was cool, but it is a shame to be $15,000 down. They were great though. The problem is, it sent me a little back on the schedule. I'm gonna have to get up pretty early tomorrow, or just invite 10 kids over. DONE!

BEN COULTER

I tried to live for the Coulter's today, but by the end of the day, it was all about me and my desire for food. I just have to finish the deal. But overall, I gave you a chance and it really seemed to work out for the best, just doing what came naturally, not living out of fear and doing what it seemed you would want me to do. I think today was a good first day, but I have to figure out when work is gonna get done.

FAT TUESDAY

Tomorrow it is on! After a final day of being overly concerned with myself, including missing yet another wake, we start Lent focusing on others. Thank goodness!

FAT MONDAY

Liana got her cast today and was one of the greatest patients you could ever imagine. She really has a great way of making people happy. I am really proud of her. Of course, I almost killed her when she shintamoed, but that's the roller coaster. We did have some great Speedway today and I made the tough phone call (thanks to Mark), so we are on our way to loving people more and more every day.

BULLS CHURCH

This was our first practice on what we like to call the Sabbath, and it didn't work out all that great. I took a couple of naps, watched basketball and didn't really like it all that much. I would just rather play with the kids, but it is something that I have to get used to. It was great to see how the Brost family is really getting into church and God. And we did a much better job of relating to people and trying to love them. This should be a good Lent.

THE AUDITION

This was one of the toughest days we have had in awhile, but once again God proved to be there. The play audition was really hard. First, Mark felt horrible. Second, as a parent, there is nothing tougher than seeing your child completely disappointed. He was totally scared, and I couldn't find anything to do to help. I felt like a failure. He felt horrible. It was bad. And then, when he would have been able to do it, it was over! In the end though, I think that it was all good. For one, he battled through to play a great basketball game and didn't let one bad thing turn into a lot of bad things. Second, after a season of not scoring a basket, I asked God to please enable Mark to find a way to score. And he did! Now it didn't do a lot for his attitude, but the lesson I think was learned, that he didn't let this get him down, he still lived life and lived it well even after a disappointment. Looking back, I think this will be good, but it did make for a very rough day.

LAST BROOK GAME

Once again, we ended a basketball season at the Burrito place. Man, sometimes I know being with people is the way to go, but it seems so hard sometimes. Another late night doing Home and School stuff. And I didn't even eat healthy tonight. Hanging with Freddy was cool though. I guess, as I sum this up, it is 3:30 and I should have gone to bed a long time ago. Now I ain't making no sense.

TAX MONEY

This period of limbo is starting to get to me. With my job situation, for some reason, I am worrying about it again and it doesn't make sense. Sure, we may need a new car and sure, Kathy may not get paid for working the principal gig, but what the heck, we are in the best shape financially we have ever been in. I even have some speaking gigs lined up. And for the summer, it would be cool to work in the hospital. My schedule though, really tough. Shouldn't I just do what the plan says and enjoy myself, enjoy life. We can live on what we have for the time being, and just enjoy the moment. I will tell you what I did much better today, talk to people, all people. Forget about contacts and networking, it was great to just connect with people and try to be Christ a little.

BOARD OF ED

Well, it looks like fasting worked again. With a victory today, this fasting for a purpose seems to really be paying off. I know it doesn't work like that, or maybe it does, but I do think you like the effort. And it does help me to be more selfless. It was a tough day though, just being really tired, being bad at basketball and struggling through workouts, but it got better. The Board of Ed meeting was really fun, albeit long, but it was interesting to see. And now Kathy is an official principal, which makes her very happy I think. And I heard a great sermon today on enjoying the "climb" as Hannah Montana would say. It really changed the mood.

SPEAKING TEAM

It was bring your son to work day for Dad (who doesn't really have a job) and Mark was awesome. He really enhanced the day for the people who were there...and for me. When you explain something to him, he really knocks it down. It was great to see him have fun and really be effective at helping people come to understand God a little better. Thank you so much for the kids we have and for the great gifts that you have given each of them.

MUSEUM CONVERSATION

Well, I got the chance to help out a person and didn't even come through on doing something myself. I went through the motions of being a good dad, but mentally I just wasn't there tonight. I wasn't nice. And the food got me down. Seems like I was going so good and then one day just led to another and bammo. I have to get right back on the wagon when I go off, mentally, physically and spiritually. Why do I start to look for the easy way out? Win the moment and be there for others, then I can love.

KATHY IS A PRINCIPAL

One night after being concerned with being too concerned about money, the ultimate test came and...I failed. Kathy finally got the job today and in most of my conversations I focused on how "loaded" we are. In my heart, I know that this is good for the kids, good for Kathy and her self-confidence and for our family in the long run. That Kathy is a principal at 34 is really good. But what came out of my mouth was the money factor. The thing that kills me is that I don't really care. Sure, it will provide some options and allow me to spend more time with the kids and become closer to God, but for some reason, what comes out of my mouth isn't what I really believe. I hate that I say what I think others would say. It has been a tough run on talking in the last couple of days. I guess my heart isn't as good as I give myself credit for...better keep sticking to the Scriptures.

INTERVIEW #2

I am still overly concerned about money. I want Kathy to get this job, but is it because our family will have more money? I was worried the other night about tips...still. I listen to all this stuff about money and in my head I know that it is right, but in reality, I may still be concerned with money. Well let's take that off the list. No more concerned about money. I do still want Kathy to get the job, just because I really have a heart for the teachers and kids that will go there, and she really is good for that role. As far as Famous Dave's, or whatever else I do, I would love to just be able to give that money away or use it for something more worthwhile than groceries. So God, just please help me be less concerned with money and more concerned with what you want and serving your people.

FRIENDS DAY

We had a great day. Colin, Garrett and Isabella came over and they were some of the nicest kids ever. What was really cool was that all the kids played together. It was great to have this chance, especially coming off the Daddy Daughter Dance where Alexa spent the whole night with her friends. It is great to see our kids relating to other people! And to have Mom and Dad tell me, me, that I am doing a good job parenting...there could be no better praise. I have to be careful now though. I see my life changing, getting closer to God, but I can't let myself get into lazy habits. I have to keep going.

BROKAW PARTY

First, I am proud of myself. I used silence instead of yelling. I didn't get mad today, except when Tessa did her crying, then I had to use a little "mad voice". The point is, I am getting better. The main concern I have right now is Mark and how much he is enjoying school...or life in general. It seems like he is having a real hard time relating to the boys at school. I don't know why I worry so much. He is a great kid. He has a good self image (it seems). I know that he is in your hands and I know that he is in love with you. If I am really all about being a Christian and am truly putting God first, why do I feel so uneasy about our son who is such a great kid? I should appreciate how great he is instead of worrying about what he is not. Is it the sports thing that has me down? Even if he isn't a great athlete right now, and he may be some day, does it matter? I know that I need to just enjoy my time with him instead of trying to "fix" him. Heck, he can fix me.

WHAT?

For some reason, the day is going so great and then all the kids come home and I just get totally discombobulated and there is an anger that just sets in. I don't know why it happens, but I was in a totally bad mood. Was I tired? Was I hungry? I hate to make excuses, but I feel so close to living a godly life and then later in the day I can't deal with four kids? It doesn't make sense, especially when they are such great kids and I love kids. I don't get it. Tonight I was just totally brutal. I just seemed out of it. I couldn't get dinner together, was out of it at the basketball practice and backed myself into a corner with Liana that led to a bad night for her. We had such great plans. I read this book, I think to myself how well I am doing as a Christian loving God and others and then I realize the reality of the situation is that I have a long way to go with my own kids.

REGISTRATION

Just when you think you have this volunteer gig all sown up, there is an email from the guy who is doing what I would like to be doing asking to lead a team...which is right up my alley. And sitting at that table is like one of the worst things that a guy can do. Man, I am sure you will find a way for me. I will say I really enjoy writing and maybe can someday finish this thing. At work though, I was a mess. Maybe it was not eating, at least I can blame it on that. But maybe I am just dumb! Whichever the case, I feel like I am getting closer every day to living out my goal of putting you first in all that I do, every moment of every day.

ROOM PARTY

So I am a dork, but I think I got this being a homo down. I even can do the Room Party! And while the day had a great schedule to it and our kids are really awesome, I was just wiped out today. I almost fell asleep driving by myself...but a little sleep and some food will take care of that. I do like this new book, and listening to this Christian stuff has been very good. And writing was awesome. Finally, if I can just get to be more outgoing, sharing joy with people...and just find a way to make this basketball thing fun, then we'd be getting somewhere.

FRIENDS FRIDAY

I love Fridays! We chose to go to the Museum instead of take a nap and I got the Windstar cleaned up. We got our pizza and even dropped off stuff at Goodwill. All of this was better than a nap. Sure, Liana may suffer a little, but we'll see. What was awesome was having Riley, Sam and Jack over and just seeing all the kids playing together and having fun with each other. Then, when everybody left, we had some pizza and then watched all the shows. Sure, it was two hours of lack of productivity, but it is great to hang with our kids. There are life lessons we are teaching every day, even through movie watching. I have found that if I stay connected to God, then there are more "God moments" throughout our normal day and I get mad a lot less. It was just a really good day. I am so glad that I have decided to take Fridays off!

VOLUNTEER

I just got another email today about how this new volunteer opportunity at the Church is not going to work out. It seems like nothing really good is really presenting itself. And it ain't like my volunteer quotient ain't being filled with this Southbury thing. The problem is, while the actual content of what I am doing ain't what I really am jacked about, I am making a contribution and it seems like people really appreciate what we are doing. So maybe this should be the way I help for now and I should stop being selfish looking for what I want to do. Maybe instead I should try and do what God and others need me to do. Can you possibly want me doing this Home and School thing though buddy...really funny?

NO CRY WEDNESDAY

I have been at a loss. Tessa cries every morning about clothes, and sometimes she even adds in some time to complain about hair. It is tough to get through and I feel like a failure as I have been unable to help change the behavior. Well this morning, after a little prayer, Tessa woke up in a good mood...and the effect on the family was awesome. I am learning more and more to rely on God and while I know that we haven't licked the problem, it did provide me with a great reminder to approach God first with all of my concerns and then try and get to work figuring out a solution. Some things only God can do.

GOIN' BONKERS

Today I just went off on Tessa. Right after convincing myself that I shouldn't yell anymore, bammo...I let her have it. In the morning, I think I have to start off tough, but is that fair to all of the kids? I don't want to yell. I don't want to get mad. When I eat healthy, it seems to happen. Maybe I just have to get into the jist of the diet. If food makes me crabby though, I have a lot of thinking to do. I was real tired at work today. And for some reason, relating to people just seems really tough right now. I want to shy away from people, which is a normal tendency for me, but I just feel out of place with people right now. The desire is still there to positively impact people, but I just feel really bad at it right now.

BYE BYE FOOTBALL

It is the Tuesday after the Super Bowl (I would have wrote this on Monday, but it was the first fasting day in a while and I was really crabby.) and a big chunk of time has just been given back to me. No more late night Sundays and Monday. No more podcasts. No more listening to football news all the time. And no more line up checks for the fantasy football team. I still struggle to find time for what needs to get done, but I am looking forward to being more into God than football and to do what I talked about at the retreat, having an "intimate relationship with God.

Three Day Celebration

I wasn't even planning on even going off the wagon for the Bear's game, but it turned into a three-day marathon! With Dad in the hospital, the free time has been spent going to the hospital. And with visits and the Directory issue, there has not been a lot of sleep going on. Anyway, I like more when I eat healthy, and so does my body. I am really getting used to a new way of living. And it is a lot better. So first I am going to get back on the wagon and then it's time to take the next step and get more others focused and having fun with people.

MAD MAN

I woke up early, really tired, and the rest of the day tried to recover! I was the mean Dad all day. From a mere schedule perspective, it seemed great. We went to the Museum, delivered silverware to PAD's and Southbury and watched movies before going to bed. But I was just in a bad mood. At least there was a lot of stuff done, but can I do that and be the person God wants me to be. I guess this is my "perseverance" test.

HE'S BACK

I don't know how much this has to do with being loving, but I am doing a great job of just getting done what needs to get done for 2011! I am done making excuses and have got back to setting goals and accomplishing those goals. I know now that I had become too soft and it is good to realize that we can do whatever we want if we just become disciplined and make a plan. Now to get to that praying stuff that we kind of missed out on today.