ORPHANAGE BUST OUT

While in Ducity, Haiti; one place, one group of people seemed to dominate our thoughts and conversations...the kids in the orphanage.  There was a group of 20 kids, 3 babies and about 17 in grades ranging from 1st grade through high school, living in a two-room building with a backyard.  These children knew two things, school and the orphanage.  They would wake up from their sleepover (17 kids smushed in one room) every day, get ready for school and spend a big chunk of their day at school.  They would get home, eat at the orphanage and then be locked inside that building until the next school day.  It was sad.  So we had a great plan.  Without any thought of being respectful or disrupting their culture, we were determined to get those kids to be able to go swimming at the river.  The leaders of the orphanage told us that we could select a handful of kids to go.  Weird?  They may not have trusted a group of teenagers from a foreign land with their kids.  We determined that we couldn't just leave some kids there.  So in what is not my most prould moment, we opened the gates and escaped with every kid from that orphange and ran to the river.  They showed us how to take a bath, how to dive off the rocks and the best spots for swimming.  And while what we did may have been totally illegal, it was great to see every kids smiling and just being kids!

MISSIONAL STORIES

Stories seem like a great way to build people's interest, and what a great deal for people to be able to read these for free before the $16.99 book comes out. In my new concept for blog space, thank you Randy, we are going to use the blog to share stories about how global ministry has changed the lives of people. Not only will this be a great tool to help people what change can take place, but it will serve as an avenue for CCC to be able to easily collect global stories.

WHAT A WEEK

You know how there is an exhausting week, but you look ahead and realize that rest is not far away. Well, I thought that this was the week, but not a chance. I have a meeting at work on Tuesday at exactly the same time as the meeting starts. Then, Tae Kwon Do is the same time as our Kid City meeting. Then I am trying to meet with all these people but have no availability. I am sure God will show me a way, and I knew that this Kid City thing was the wrong thing to do, but once again God has showed me that His way is the best way.

BLOG

You have to really wonder if this blog thing is a good idea. It sure doesn't seem like I have much to offer right now in regards to poverty.

BELIEVE IN THE PROCESS

I know that there are some people who want a change right now, but to do it right, for the long haul, it really seems like the process is going to take a little while, but that is ok. It's not like somebody is going to solve poverty before we get a chance.

KID CITY

The career began today, I think. And it seems like a good move. It is easy, or so it seems, and it gives me time to still do some stuff at home. So far so good, and it teaches me to be selfless.

MEETING ON SUNDAY

I am a guy who lives for the conclusion of events, tasks and goals. So while it has been really fun putting this vision together, that we have almost finished the task is quite an accomplishment. What seems a little daunting is that on Monday, it is time to go to work.

MOTIVATION

When God wants us to do stuff, it just feels right. For some reason, in hanging out with Freddy today, I really felt like it was time to compare organizations and bammo, it's all done now. All in God's time.

WHERE ARE THE CHURCHES?

I just got done looking at my database of Churches trying to find one that is doing the best job of international ministry. I am biased in thinking that we are on the verge of something really special here. Sure, I realize that I know nothing about this stuff, but it seems to make sense logically. Partner with somebody who knows what they are doing and support their organization with money, resources and publicity. Then use their organization to help people at your home church "find their way back to God". What am I missing?

POVERTY MEETING

It is so hard! We have a great plan, but it is just not fine-tuned yet. But it is really exciting to think of the possibilities of what could happen if we just keep moving forward and keep relying on God. If anybody is reading this, we have a plan in place that is strategically sound in resolving poverty. We'll stay the course, but rest assured, we are in good shape.

BAPTISM

Today was my first baptism and it was fun! Unlike the other major events, baptism is one you can have a little fun with. Jokes are ok, and especially when it is in a house, you can be a little less formal. It was a good time!

THE STATS

We got a new one today. The number of Churches is the same as the number of orphans...go figure.

POVERTY STATS

There are 2.2 billion people living in poverty, which means there are about twice as many who are not living in poverty. If every other person in the world took care of one person, poverty gone! Which are you, the one helping or the "every other one"?

EATING

Every day is a struggle to eat. We struggle in America to turn down food that is bad for us, trying to stay in shape and not put on unwanted pounds. Others living in poverty struggle each day to find healthy food to nourish their bodies. We both have a problem with healthy food, either finding it or limiting ourselves to it. It is amazing what our mind can do to our eating habits.

TAKING IT BACK

The focus on our Global Ministry is not what we can do for other people, it is what we can learn from other people. The natural tendency is to have our relationship be focused on what we are donig to help. We have to make a concious effort to emphasize what we are getting from our partners to create an effective partnership.

NFL DRAFT

We take a break from poverty today and start to focus on football. But what I thought was going to be the highlight today, the draft, fails in comparison to how great the kids were at Our Lady of Mercy tonight. They interacted with the kids, had fun and did a good job of not thinking of themselves. I am so proud of them and how they have been able to share their faith. Nothing could be better. And sure, we still have football.

MATURE INTERNATIONAL MINISTRY

Is it wrong to consider that International Ministry can include relational ministry, mission trips and still alleviate poverty. Should we settle for only a piece of the pie, or do we want to shoot for the whole deal? A case can be made that mature poverty alleviation involves just sending checks to an organization that can perform the Restore, but it seems like we would be cheating the CCC culture of a valuable asset, the opportunity to learn from the people of Haiti, the Philippines or whatever country we are dealing with.

JUDGEMENTAL

If a Church, or any person for that matter, doesn't agree with our philosophy of ministry, does that mean that they are wrong? Of course, everybody who goes into this line of ministry would seem to have a good heart. I have yet to meet a "mean" poverty person. These are wonderful people we are dealing with who may all have different ideas as to how best deal with the situation. I am very confident in our plan, but I have to be very weary about how others do it. We are all on the same team.

SABBATH

Maybe I ain't the right guy for this job. Everybody seems so into this World Poverty thing, and I just really get excited about football. I think because it is mindless and there is no expectation involved and it is probably the only thing I do that is nothing but fun. Maybe because there is no stress involved, maybe that is why it is what I look forward to doing. The great thing about this poverty thing is that we can pretty much incorporate anything into it and make football a part of what we do.

MEETING NUMBER TWO

The first meeting was good in that we got done in an hour. The second meeting was a little longer, seventeen minutes over, but we made some progress. We are getting there though. Until we figure out the other mission deal, we are going to be stuck. So next week is a big meeting.

POVERTY CHURCH

One of the reasons we have kept the online church going is the thought (other than because I made a commitment) that some day this could be an outlet for people who are like-minded concerning poverty to gather and discuss some spiritual issues. Of course, it seems like if this didn't work for our group of spiritual friends, would it be something that works for Haiti, the Philippines and other groups? I guess it is worth a try. It sure did seem like a good idea in the car on the way to camping. Maybe I should wait for God more often.

RESTORE

What does this mean? We have the 3R's, but if somebody were to ask, what does RESTORE mean, what would we say? Restore means to take something that has been somewhat decimated and return it to its original, God-intended form. When we restore a person, a community, a car and life...it does the reverse of the negative things that we do to each of these things. Whether it is culture, other people, age or sin; restoring involves taking care of the bad things that have happened and taking something back to its original state. That is why Jesus dying on the cross is so huge. With one act, Jesus restored us spiritually. We attempt to do the same for those living in poverty. We REACH them by restoring them spiritually and we RESTORE them by trying to undo the factors that have led to their living in poverty.

SERIOUSLESSNESS

It seems that everybody that deals with poverty is pretty serious, but what I am finding is that if there is a "fun" atmosphere, then good things can happen. Even the most serious of people like to laugh, or so it seems, and while dealing with poverty is a very serious issue, it doesn't seem as if we are any more productive if we make everything serious all of the time. I am really enjoying my time with all of the new people I have met and have found that no matter what impression you get from people, you never really know them until you get to know them.

POVERTY MEETING

After saving the life of a child and taking a pre-game nap, we had our first meeting to eliminate poverty all over the world. And for some reason, while it seemed like a far-fetched dream going in, after meeting with our team, it seems like a real possibility that this may be something special starting up here. It is really cool that we had pretty much the whole All-Star team together to plan this out and while it felt like I did too much talking (which was a pretty good strategy for our first go), there felt like a good vibe coming out of the meeting. It was just another in a list of constant reminders that God is in control of everything and if we let Him be then great things can happen.

PLANNING FOR POVERTY

Somebody came up to me and said today, "That poverty thing you are doing...I want in!" I should have a response ready for any person that says this and is not from CCC. Immediately my thought was, woops wrong Church. I am glad though that I thought about it and started to get excited that if we could get people from other Churches involved, we could really make a huger impact. That would be awesome. This just seems like another example of how God could be working to make this all happen. I have to always be mindful that this has nothing to do with me, but only God can make this work. Ego can't be involved. And it has been. As we head into our meeting on Sunday, as I struggle with how to explain where we are headed, and I struggle to get into too much sharing of thoughts and opinions, I have to trust God and let this ministry head where it will go. Home and School has turned out pretty well with everybody having some buy in. I can't control this, but I surely can help everybody, including God, get their wishes to come true. We have to, no matter what we do, make sure to keep our focus on God.

WHY?

Why are we even trying to fight poverty? 600 million children, 2.2 billion people are living in poverty. Can we realistically hope to change those numbers? Can we ever cure poverty?
So it probably won't happen in our lifetime. Heck, all the Churches in the world would have to get on board to make it happen. But, we can make a difference in one, who can make a difference in another and with God's help, it can be done. It seems impossible, which is what God wants, big asks for big problems. Why do we fight poverty, because God wants us to and because it keeps us reliant on God.

SIMPLICITY

What would it look like to live according to needs rather than wants? In the beginning, there didn't seem to be much of a choice. It would seem that you spent most of your time searching for what you needed to live; food, shelter. For some reason, we have totally complicated things. Restuarants, clothing stores, boats, vacations...it all seems so over the top. Living in poverty forces you to seek survival. It forces you to live according to your needs. While the people who live in poverty don't have their essential needs taken care of, they surely seem a lot closer to living simplistically than we in the United States ever could. If we can help them to get to "needs covered" and not "United States Lifestyle" we can help, but not hurt...God.

He's Back

Before I start writing about poverty, I better get my thoughts down about what I learned over the Lenten season. As with most of the stuff I do during Lent, it was just great to be done. In fact, that is how most of the stuff that I do in life usually turns out, but that is a digression. I hoped to connect in a different way with God, and while I probably grew to appreciate the Catholic faith even more during this time, and I did come closer in my relationship with God through constant prayer practice, those practices sure did become bothersome. As I look how my soul was changed though, there was less desire for bad food, less desire for tv or movie watching, especially stuff not good to see and less desire to spend time to do things that weren't about God. I didn't even miss sports, which may be another sign that I am losing it, but there I go digressing again. I guess, looking back, while it wasn't exactly an enjoyable 40 days, it did help me in my spiritual growth and that is all that matters. Maybe I needed a little more time with God, and I got that, but maybe now I need a little less time in prayer and a little more time hanging with him.

LENT

This is the last blog entry for awhile...starting with tomorrow, the Lent practice begins. It's all Catholic!

PANCAKE DAY

My meeting at Willow got cancelled and it was the start of a great day, so I wonder why I am so crabby. We got to go to the Pet Store, get some jeans and got the shopping done. Heck, I even got my workout in and had time to jog. But being around Freddie all day and then having kids just doesn't allow me to recharge, not to make an excuse, but I guess maybe I need that time. One more week though to figure this out.

ULTIMATE NACHOS

This was a good meal...and both the cars got cleaned...and this was my Sabbath. I know we are supposed to relax, and not do much on our Sabbath day, but this was the perfect day for me. When we don't have Freddy here, and I can get a day by myself, it is really relaxing. Sorry Fred. I did feel renewed.

STAR WARS PARTY

There were only eight people here, but Brandon and McKenna were here and it seems like we could really make a difference with kids like that. I do wonder how how that leesh showed up. It was lost, but when we found it, I was jacked. And then after a nap, even better. Anyway, we are back!

ASH WEDNESDAY

I may have already posted for Ash Wednesday, but if I didn't, I messed up my first day. Maybe it is the dog, maybe it is the lack of motivation or whatever, but I just can't seem to get myself going.

WASTE DAY

At least Mark was home today, so that was good time spent. And we are having a lot of kids come over after school, so that is great. But man, when it is my time alone with Freddy, nothing is getting done. I feel horrible about what I have been doing, but just can't seem to have a productive day. Tomorrow though, look out cars! Unless it snows, then all bets are off. I have caught up somewhat in the prayer department, so that is good. I just hope to feel good about having a loving, fasting day tomorrow.

FAT TUESDAY

I was off to a great start, had finally put food and exercise in God's hands and then Tony calls...bammo! It was Coke and eating city! And it was a great day! Sure, the food didn't really taste good, and the Coke was even worse, but it was exciting just spreading the news. So that should tell you something, but now to find out about being Catholic.

DADDY DAUGHTER

I have a really weird feeling after today. I am exhausted, and that probably has something to do with it. Man, I am tired. After the meeting this morning, a trip to the Children's Museum and th phone call...then the Daddy Daughter Dance, I am wiped. But the phone call really has me kind of bummed. I really have no idea what I am doing. I really don't have a plan that can be recreated by other churches as of yet. We are no closer to solving poverty. Like, what am I really doing. Maybe we can make some improvements, and maybe in time it will work, but really how long can I work at 10 hours a week? I guess as I explained it and realized that nothing was going to happen for a year, that is tough to take. I am still willing to follow your will God, but it just seems a little less exciting.

PADS

Well, I may not have had a huge heart today, but I took a great step today. It is not easy for me to step into the controversial role, but tonight I went right in there, got the guys to turn off the TV and put everybody to bed. I just hung out with the homeless guys. And when it was time to check the room, I walked right in. For some reason it was a defining moment for me. I not only wasn't afraid of controversy or opposition, but I was kind of looking for it. The confidence of God was with me like I don't think I have felt before, at least not off of the basketball court while coaching. This could be a new direction...the guy who is looking for a fight. I kind of like that role.

WORLD RELIEF

After three hours of phone calls, we got nowhere. It was very frustrating, but kind of funny. I know the trip will be great and I know that you are working in all of this. I just wish that it wasn't so difficult.

VALENTINE'S DAY

I am writing this here so we don't forget our new tradition...Valentine's Day, we always go to a resturant in Oswego that we have never been to. And we started it all off with...Subway! That was cool. Mark's party was cool. I love those kids. And the interview went really well, I think. Now I still could do a better job of "loving" and my thoughts started totally selfishly today, but thanks to you, I got better. Thank You.

MAD MAN

All day I spend thinking about how I can love more...and I seem more ticked off than ever. What really got me was the three cavities! I have been eating good, not seeming to look any better than when I started P90X and then this. Now I know that the holidays were horrible and I did a lot of damage to my teeth then, but geez...it was just a downer. I was in a bad mood all day, and I don't know why. As I look back on each day, it just gets tougher and tougher. The money thing is problematic and that got me down today. But each day is going to bring one tough thing, if not more. I should be able to deal with them better. Let's hope so.

STAR WARS

It was our biggest Star Wars party ever, there were like 15 kids here...and it was great! While I spent the whole day not doing a very good job of loving, when people got here, it was love city! When I am by myself for too long, it seems, I get a little selfish.

STAR WARS LEGOLAND

Ok, so there were no excuses today, but I just didn't pull off the love thing like I should. And I was really enjoying life at home, getting stuff done, feeling the love again, but out in public, out in the real world...it just didn't pan out. I don't really know why.

NEW SHOES

This has nothing to do with love, but everything to do with personal health...I just spent $100 on a pair of shoes. Now the good part is that they are $130 shoes, and they are really comfortable with a lot of support, but man if I get injured, I am going to feel horrible. And sure, we are in no great shape financially these days, but it seems like a good purchase. Anyway, the love is waning, as I see people in the stores and library and didn't really "bring it". Now I didn't eat today, so that may have impacted my treatment of others. I pray that my heart is in better shape tomorrow.

HOME OFFICE

Well there haven't been a lot of days where we actually have taken advantage of our "home office" but today, it was like truly working from home. Here I was, in my pj's, at the computer all day...working! I have to admit, that I just feel like a better person since doing this whole "love" thing. And I have really tried to love everyone. I have to thank you buddy for all you have been doing to my spirit. I know that there is a long journey ahead, but this surely is a much better way to live.

NAP TIME

Well, I put the nap in God's hands and wouldn't you know it, not only did everything get done today, but I also felt pretty darn good doing it. Now I know that I am supposed to talk about love here. And I know that this past weekend I totally just told God that my heart is his and that whatever I need to do to have a passionate faith, a faith that comes from the heart and not the head, then let that happen. But I have taken another course tonight in my line of thought. Tonight, I really began to wonder "what if this dream job ain't really what I am called to do?" What if God is calling me to do something else? It seems totally bonkers that this wouldn't work. It seems totally nuts for me not to do this. What I wonder is though, when is the excitement for the work going to start? When is the passion going to begin? It is not like I hate doing the work, but as I go through the process, there is nothing that excites me about doing this. I wonder if it is fear that I am dealing with, the fear of failure. Or is it fear that I won't really be good at this. Or do I feel insufficient to work, not in this ministry, per se, but as a member of the CCC staff? For some reason I really don't look forward to most of what I have been doing in this role and I have to wonder if there is anything that I am ever going to be excited about.

LIVIN' IN THE MOMENT

We had no plan, had nothing to do, and the day still turned out all right. I was totally selfish, and feel completely worn down, but I just have to get my mind right.

DELI SANDWICH

Two in a row, we've had great sandwiches at church meetings. Craig really was awesome to, what a great guy. And it was great to do the Star Wars party again. Freddy is gone, and I am looking forward to some sleep.

HOME AND SCHOOL

I have to admit, it is great just seeing what people will do at these Home and School meetings! I loved doing the interviews. Unfortunately, we accomplished pretty much nothing at this meeting, but that is pretty much par for the course. Is it self-pity if I am dead-tired from getting up at 2:00 and have to get up at 3:00 tomorrow? At least some stuff is getting done.

FREDDY

Freddy is back, and once again he seems to have made a positive difference in my life. I don't know how or why, but I always feel better after spending a day with Freddy. Maybe it is being more selfless. Maybe it is doing something for others, which always feels good. But man, after an hour, my defeated, frustrated self was excited about life again. I don't get it, but I should try and understand because there is something about being with that dog that gets me back on track.

BERTU

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CHESS PARTY

It was a day full of activity. First, we read a book in Tessa's class...and Wes' influence was everywhere. Next, we had a Star Wars Party. And then we went to the Chess Party. Mark was so awesome. He played with kids he had never met, kids who obviously knew more than him how to play chess, and you could tell that he didn't like losing, but that he was great after every game, saying good game to the kids and then helped Evan learn how to play. What a great kid!

MICROWAVE

At the start of the day, I said that if the day ended and we had a microwave, then I would be happy. Well, we have a microwave and it only cost $50. So I guess today was a success. The best thing I did was to hang out with Alexa and Uncle Rob. But man, the ability to relate to people, I know that I am just messing those up. I see where God is giving me chances, but man I have to get out of my intrinsic self.

MEETING DAY

Adjusting to life at CCC is getting easier and easier. For the first time though, I met some resistance to the plan of campus pastors having their own partnerships. But it didn't faze me, and I didn't try to change my stance. I feel confident in our team to really create something special, with God's help. As for loving people though, I didn't really reach out to people today, and at the end of the day I feel like I have wasted.

MARK NIGHT

I met with Jon Ferguson today, hung out with the folks and then had Mark night. When God told me this morning that I should hang out with people, go figure...right again. It just feels like I did His work today. Taking time to listen really made a difference. So I guess this God thing does work. I realize even more what I should be doing and how much of a temptation being what the world wants you to be is. I stayed away today, except for the pie. We'll see tomorrow.

STUMPED

This was supposed to be my Sabbath day, the day committed to doing whatever I needed to do to recharge, and at the end of the day, when Alexa asked me what my "best" thing was, I had nothin'. Maybe it was hanging out with Rebel. I turned down Dad, I worked out twice and basically did stuff to catch up around the house. I wonder if this is what God had in mind for that seventh day of rest. I did hear a good podcast on the way home from basketball though. Mark Driscoll was talking about marriage, and it really made me consider if I am willing to go out on the line, to risk having a good marriage. Really we could stay right where we are and it would be no extra effort. If we are going to have a good marriage though, my effort is going to have to improve. I am going to have to take some chances and I will have to be sometimes bold and sometimes working out of my comfort zone. The problem is, inside this makes me feel completely uncomfortable. I question how much I really want our marriage to be great, to be a true friendship. Most days I am just trying to get through the days, completing the tasks that are set before me, but am I really living? It totally feels like I am going through the motions in all that I do. Of course, before I didn't want to do any volunteer stuff, and now when I go to church, if I ain't doing nothing I feel out of place. And when I workout, I never would have known how much my knees and shoulder could do if I didn't just do it. I know what I have to do, or what I should do, but I am really struggling because I don't want to do it.

SWIM

First we shoveled, me and the three kids (minus Tessa). Then we went to the doc and found out that Alexa is growing boobies. Then at Mark's game we saw Mark shoot free throws. He is growing physically and is really great to watch. And then we went swimming, and the kids were out of this world good. Liana passed the blue test after failing twice. Our kids had a great day. Now I did nothing, but when are kids do all of this great stuff, it is about as good as we could ever imagine!

COMPASSION

If you would have told me that I would have to drive seven hours to spend ninety minutes with the Compassion guys...and get a great sandwich...I would do it all over again. It was really cool just getting some information and then getting in touch with the people who I needed to connect with. It's all about kids with Compassion and it could work on a campus by campus basis. Turns out, while I didn't do much for others...and didn't feel the same confidence that I am used to, it was a good life experience today.

HAITI MEETING

It just seemed like a lost day. Made some food, took a nap and caught up with the Home and School and CCC, but man...didn't clean a thing. What was really cool was being at the Haiti meeting and seeing the people who were headed to Haiti, especially the first timers. For the first time, I felt good about going somewhere, felt like me again. Not that it is about me, but it was good to feel good inside.

PADS

Another meeting and a night with the kids, all fails in comparison today to lunch with Bobby and Jeff. While I hate to waste the money, it seems like the passing of their father, these guys really need a father-figure in their life. Now I don't know if I am that guy, but if I am, then I am going to keep on doing this just in case. And if Bobby really looks forward to going to Taco Bell, then we are doing this. Once again, I don't know if this is making any difference, but for the chance that it is, we'll keep eating tacos!

HAITI CALL

I realized today, about half way through the phone call, that in order to pull all of this stuff off, I am going to have to let people be leaders, get rid of my ego and allow people to make mistakes and go about things in their own way. I have to set the vision, give the guidelines and then let others go to work. There is no way that I can do this all by myself. It is so frustrating though, because not only am I way behind in having any knowledge as far as what I am doing, but I am not even a leader, in a leadership role, who has to allow others to lead. It is going to be different! But fun! It should be really fun, although I don't know if I can pull this off.

THE FAST IS BACK!

Ok, so my daughter gave me her ice cream to finish today. I think I have to start saying no, just like candy. But I am back to eating healthy, and that is good. I also did a good job of living in the moment and relying on you and the day worked out so much better. The problem is that the healthy living I am doing is all about me. Was I thinking East View today? Nope. Was I thinking about blessing? Nope. My next stage in learning to love is to lose myself and turn eating over to God!

SNOW DAY

It was great weather yesterday and today...total snow. I ain't sure what happened. But I will say that I decided to give the day to God and it was another great day. I just did stuff around the house and now I do feel refreshed. I know that I need days like this, hopefully not so many, but I feel ready for the day tomorrow.

VISION CCC

I really am wondering about the necessity of all of this stuff. The blog, the journal, the action Bible...it all is worthy, but when do I just "CHILL" with God? Now that I am eating healthy, sleeping pretty good, have a job with meaning, can somebody explain why I still feel "off"? Why am I not excited about going into CCC? Why am I so full of anger at night? I could never have imagined my life turning out this good, yet something just seems a little off.

HOUSE REPAIR

I spent some good people time the last couple of days, so I feel really great right now after a day of "Sabbath", just hanging out around the house doing not much of anything. Now I know that every day can't be like this and that if I live like this all the time, then when I die I will be really disappointed in myself, but once a week, these days really help get me back in order.

TEBOW MANIA

So staying up to watch football may be starting to catch up with me. I did little of significance today. I did hang out with Dave and every time I do I realize how smart he is. I am so lucky to have people like him in my life. I could have done so much more. But...there was so much napping to do. I really should get this together...at least I am making strides.

HOME AND SCHOOL

I love those people. There are such great people in that room. It is why I do it over and over. Really, when it comes down to it, the people who are in charge of Home and School are really special people. It is a tight knit community that has been built there. So I don't know why I am sharing this right now, but it is really good. On the other hand, this online church thing, I wonder if you really want me to do this. Can this be from you? I wanted to give it a shot, and I could care less about the numbers, but it just seems like pulling teeth. I didn't know what to expect, and it has been really great to connect with Dave and Tim...and Jeff. So if that is all that happens, that's still good. But man, I have my doubts sometimes.

HEART MONITOR

This has nothing to do with loving, but as I got my heart monitor, I tried to do everything that I could that would mess with my heart...so that means I put away 128 ounces of pop. The good thing though is that tomorrow I am off it right away. In hindsight, I should have just fasted all day and see how that worked. Oh well, next year. And I was just about ready to give up on the Raiders and then bammo...coming back from an eleven point fourth-quarter deficit they rallied to win in overtime against an undefeated team. It was a great time with Alexa and Liana...nothing to do with love all day, but a fun day!

GETTIN' HEALTHY

While I took care of my body today, there was a lot around the house that didn't get done. The problem is that it is not going to get done tomorrow either. And Thursday doesn't look so good. What does matter is that when I had the chance to be an example to my kids, I blew it. In fact, with all people today, and yesterday, I have been overtly trying to avoid them. I have not been showing love to others, especially strangers. Well that has to end. I don't know if it is the lack of confidence in myself or the lack of feeling good, but I have been not very nice. That has to get better...tomorrow is a new day.