STUMPED

This was supposed to be my Sabbath day, the day committed to doing whatever I needed to do to recharge, and at the end of the day, when Alexa asked me what my "best" thing was, I had nothin'. Maybe it was hanging out with Rebel. I turned down Dad, I worked out twice and basically did stuff to catch up around the house. I wonder if this is what God had in mind for that seventh day of rest. I did hear a good podcast on the way home from basketball though. Mark Driscoll was talking about marriage, and it really made me consider if I am willing to go out on the line, to risk having a good marriage. Really we could stay right where we are and it would be no extra effort. If we are going to have a good marriage though, my effort is going to have to improve. I am going to have to take some chances and I will have to be sometimes bold and sometimes working out of my comfort zone. The problem is, inside this makes me feel completely uncomfortable. I question how much I really want our marriage to be great, to be a true friendship. Most days I am just trying to get through the days, completing the tasks that are set before me, but am I really living? It totally feels like I am going through the motions in all that I do. Of course, before I didn't want to do any volunteer stuff, and now when I go to church, if I ain't doing nothing I feel out of place. And when I workout, I never would have known how much my knees and shoulder could do if I didn't just do it. I know what I have to do, or what I should do, but I am really struggling because I don't want to do it.