BOARD OF ED

Well, it looks like fasting worked again. With a victory today, this fasting for a purpose seems to really be paying off. I know it doesn't work like that, or maybe it does, but I do think you like the effort. And it does help me to be more selfless. It was a tough day though, just being really tired, being bad at basketball and struggling through workouts, but it got better. The Board of Ed meeting was really fun, albeit long, but it was interesting to see. And now Kathy is an official principal, which makes her very happy I think. And I heard a great sermon today on enjoying the "climb" as Hannah Montana would say. It really changed the mood.

SPEAKING TEAM

It was bring your son to work day for Dad (who doesn't really have a job) and Mark was awesome. He really enhanced the day for the people who were there...and for me. When you explain something to him, he really knocks it down. It was great to see him have fun and really be effective at helping people come to understand God a little better. Thank you so much for the kids we have and for the great gifts that you have given each of them.

MUSEUM CONVERSATION

Well, I got the chance to help out a person and didn't even come through on doing something myself. I went through the motions of being a good dad, but mentally I just wasn't there tonight. I wasn't nice. And the food got me down. Seems like I was going so good and then one day just led to another and bammo. I have to get right back on the wagon when I go off, mentally, physically and spiritually. Why do I start to look for the easy way out? Win the moment and be there for others, then I can love.

KATHY IS A PRINCIPAL

One night after being concerned with being too concerned about money, the ultimate test came and...I failed. Kathy finally got the job today and in most of my conversations I focused on how "loaded" we are. In my heart, I know that this is good for the kids, good for Kathy and her self-confidence and for our family in the long run. That Kathy is a principal at 34 is really good. But what came out of my mouth was the money factor. The thing that kills me is that I don't really care. Sure, it will provide some options and allow me to spend more time with the kids and become closer to God, but for some reason, what comes out of my mouth isn't what I really believe. I hate that I say what I think others would say. It has been a tough run on talking in the last couple of days. I guess my heart isn't as good as I give myself credit for...better keep sticking to the Scriptures.

INTERVIEW #2

I am still overly concerned about money. I want Kathy to get this job, but is it because our family will have more money? I was worried the other night about tips...still. I listen to all this stuff about money and in my head I know that it is right, but in reality, I may still be concerned with money. Well let's take that off the list. No more concerned about money. I do still want Kathy to get the job, just because I really have a heart for the teachers and kids that will go there, and she really is good for that role. As far as Famous Dave's, or whatever else I do, I would love to just be able to give that money away or use it for something more worthwhile than groceries. So God, just please help me be less concerned with money and more concerned with what you want and serving your people.

FRIENDS DAY

We had a great day. Colin, Garrett and Isabella came over and they were some of the nicest kids ever. What was really cool was that all the kids played together. It was great to have this chance, especially coming off the Daddy Daughter Dance where Alexa spent the whole night with her friends. It is great to see our kids relating to other people! And to have Mom and Dad tell me, me, that I am doing a good job parenting...there could be no better praise. I have to be careful now though. I see my life changing, getting closer to God, but I can't let myself get into lazy habits. I have to keep going.

BROKAW PARTY

First, I am proud of myself. I used silence instead of yelling. I didn't get mad today, except when Tessa did her crying, then I had to use a little "mad voice". The point is, I am getting better. The main concern I have right now is Mark and how much he is enjoying school...or life in general. It seems like he is having a real hard time relating to the boys at school. I don't know why I worry so much. He is a great kid. He has a good self image (it seems). I know that he is in your hands and I know that he is in love with you. If I am really all about being a Christian and am truly putting God first, why do I feel so uneasy about our son who is such a great kid? I should appreciate how great he is instead of worrying about what he is not. Is it the sports thing that has me down? Even if he isn't a great athlete right now, and he may be some day, does it matter? I know that I need to just enjoy my time with him instead of trying to "fix" him. Heck, he can fix me.

WHAT?

For some reason, the day is going so great and then all the kids come home and I just get totally discombobulated and there is an anger that just sets in. I don't know why it happens, but I was in a totally bad mood. Was I tired? Was I hungry? I hate to make excuses, but I feel so close to living a godly life and then later in the day I can't deal with four kids? It doesn't make sense, especially when they are such great kids and I love kids. I don't get it. Tonight I was just totally brutal. I just seemed out of it. I couldn't get dinner together, was out of it at the basketball practice and backed myself into a corner with Liana that led to a bad night for her. We had such great plans. I read this book, I think to myself how well I am doing as a Christian loving God and others and then I realize the reality of the situation is that I have a long way to go with my own kids.

REGISTRATION

Just when you think you have this volunteer gig all sown up, there is an email from the guy who is doing what I would like to be doing asking to lead a team...which is right up my alley. And sitting at that table is like one of the worst things that a guy can do. Man, I am sure you will find a way for me. I will say I really enjoy writing and maybe can someday finish this thing. At work though, I was a mess. Maybe it was not eating, at least I can blame it on that. But maybe I am just dumb! Whichever the case, I feel like I am getting closer every day to living out my goal of putting you first in all that I do, every moment of every day.

ROOM PARTY

So I am a dork, but I think I got this being a homo down. I even can do the Room Party! And while the day had a great schedule to it and our kids are really awesome, I was just wiped out today. I almost fell asleep driving by myself...but a little sleep and some food will take care of that. I do like this new book, and listening to this Christian stuff has been very good. And writing was awesome. Finally, if I can just get to be more outgoing, sharing joy with people...and just find a way to make this basketball thing fun, then we'd be getting somewhere.

FRIENDS FRIDAY

I love Fridays! We chose to go to the Museum instead of take a nap and I got the Windstar cleaned up. We got our pizza and even dropped off stuff at Goodwill. All of this was better than a nap. Sure, Liana may suffer a little, but we'll see. What was awesome was having Riley, Sam and Jack over and just seeing all the kids playing together and having fun with each other. Then, when everybody left, we had some pizza and then watched all the shows. Sure, it was two hours of lack of productivity, but it is great to hang with our kids. There are life lessons we are teaching every day, even through movie watching. I have found that if I stay connected to God, then there are more "God moments" throughout our normal day and I get mad a lot less. It was just a really good day. I am so glad that I have decided to take Fridays off!

VOLUNTEER

I just got another email today about how this new volunteer opportunity at the Church is not going to work out. It seems like nothing really good is really presenting itself. And it ain't like my volunteer quotient ain't being filled with this Southbury thing. The problem is, while the actual content of what I am doing ain't what I really am jacked about, I am making a contribution and it seems like people really appreciate what we are doing. So maybe this should be the way I help for now and I should stop being selfish looking for what I want to do. Maybe instead I should try and do what God and others need me to do. Can you possibly want me doing this Home and School thing though buddy...really funny?

NO CRY WEDNESDAY

I have been at a loss. Tessa cries every morning about clothes, and sometimes she even adds in some time to complain about hair. It is tough to get through and I feel like a failure as I have been unable to help change the behavior. Well this morning, after a little prayer, Tessa woke up in a good mood...and the effect on the family was awesome. I am learning more and more to rely on God and while I know that we haven't licked the problem, it did provide me with a great reminder to approach God first with all of my concerns and then try and get to work figuring out a solution. Some things only God can do.

GOIN' BONKERS

Today I just went off on Tessa. Right after convincing myself that I shouldn't yell anymore, bammo...I let her have it. In the morning, I think I have to start off tough, but is that fair to all of the kids? I don't want to yell. I don't want to get mad. When I eat healthy, it seems to happen. Maybe I just have to get into the jist of the diet. If food makes me crabby though, I have a lot of thinking to do. I was real tired at work today. And for some reason, relating to people just seems really tough right now. I want to shy away from people, which is a normal tendency for me, but I just feel out of place with people right now. The desire is still there to positively impact people, but I just feel really bad at it right now.

BYE BYE FOOTBALL

It is the Tuesday after the Super Bowl (I would have wrote this on Monday, but it was the first fasting day in a while and I was really crabby.) and a big chunk of time has just been given back to me. No more late night Sundays and Monday. No more podcasts. No more listening to football news all the time. And no more line up checks for the fantasy football team. I still struggle to find time for what needs to get done, but I am looking forward to being more into God than football and to do what I talked about at the retreat, having an "intimate relationship with God.