LENT

This is the last blog entry for awhile...starting with tomorrow, the Lent practice begins. It's all Catholic!

PANCAKE DAY

My meeting at Willow got cancelled and it was the start of a great day, so I wonder why I am so crabby. We got to go to the Pet Store, get some jeans and got the shopping done. Heck, I even got my workout in and had time to jog. But being around Freddie all day and then having kids just doesn't allow me to recharge, not to make an excuse, but I guess maybe I need that time. One more week though to figure this out.

ULTIMATE NACHOS

This was a good meal...and both the cars got cleaned...and this was my Sabbath. I know we are supposed to relax, and not do much on our Sabbath day, but this was the perfect day for me. When we don't have Freddy here, and I can get a day by myself, it is really relaxing. Sorry Fred. I did feel renewed.

STAR WARS PARTY

There were only eight people here, but Brandon and McKenna were here and it seems like we could really make a difference with kids like that. I do wonder how how that leesh showed up. It was lost, but when we found it, I was jacked. And then after a nap, even better. Anyway, we are back!

ASH WEDNESDAY

I may have already posted for Ash Wednesday, but if I didn't, I messed up my first day. Maybe it is the dog, maybe it is the lack of motivation or whatever, but I just can't seem to get myself going.

WASTE DAY

At least Mark was home today, so that was good time spent. And we are having a lot of kids come over after school, so that is great. But man, when it is my time alone with Freddy, nothing is getting done. I feel horrible about what I have been doing, but just can't seem to have a productive day. Tomorrow though, look out cars! Unless it snows, then all bets are off. I have caught up somewhat in the prayer department, so that is good. I just hope to feel good about having a loving, fasting day tomorrow.

FAT TUESDAY

I was off to a great start, had finally put food and exercise in God's hands and then Tony calls...bammo! It was Coke and eating city! And it was a great day! Sure, the food didn't really taste good, and the Coke was even worse, but it was exciting just spreading the news. So that should tell you something, but now to find out about being Catholic.

DADDY DAUGHTER

I have a really weird feeling after today. I am exhausted, and that probably has something to do with it. Man, I am tired. After the meeting this morning, a trip to the Children's Museum and th phone call...then the Daddy Daughter Dance, I am wiped. But the phone call really has me kind of bummed. I really have no idea what I am doing. I really don't have a plan that can be recreated by other churches as of yet. We are no closer to solving poverty. Like, what am I really doing. Maybe we can make some improvements, and maybe in time it will work, but really how long can I work at 10 hours a week? I guess as I explained it and realized that nothing was going to happen for a year, that is tough to take. I am still willing to follow your will God, but it just seems a little less exciting.

PADS

Well, I may not have had a huge heart today, but I took a great step today. It is not easy for me to step into the controversial role, but tonight I went right in there, got the guys to turn off the TV and put everybody to bed. I just hung out with the homeless guys. And when it was time to check the room, I walked right in. For some reason it was a defining moment for me. I not only wasn't afraid of controversy or opposition, but I was kind of looking for it. The confidence of God was with me like I don't think I have felt before, at least not off of the basketball court while coaching. This could be a new direction...the guy who is looking for a fight. I kind of like that role.

WORLD RELIEF

After three hours of phone calls, we got nowhere. It was very frustrating, but kind of funny. I know the trip will be great and I know that you are working in all of this. I just wish that it wasn't so difficult.

VALENTINE'S DAY

I am writing this here so we don't forget our new tradition...Valentine's Day, we always go to a resturant in Oswego that we have never been to. And we started it all off with...Subway! That was cool. Mark's party was cool. I love those kids. And the interview went really well, I think. Now I still could do a better job of "loving" and my thoughts started totally selfishly today, but thanks to you, I got better. Thank You.

MAD MAN

All day I spend thinking about how I can love more...and I seem more ticked off than ever. What really got me was the three cavities! I have been eating good, not seeming to look any better than when I started P90X and then this. Now I know that the holidays were horrible and I did a lot of damage to my teeth then, but geez...it was just a downer. I was in a bad mood all day, and I don't know why. As I look back on each day, it just gets tougher and tougher. The money thing is problematic and that got me down today. But each day is going to bring one tough thing, if not more. I should be able to deal with them better. Let's hope so.

STAR WARS

It was our biggest Star Wars party ever, there were like 15 kids here...and it was great! While I spent the whole day not doing a very good job of loving, when people got here, it was love city! When I am by myself for too long, it seems, I get a little selfish.

STAR WARS LEGOLAND

Ok, so there were no excuses today, but I just didn't pull off the love thing like I should. And I was really enjoying life at home, getting stuff done, feeling the love again, but out in public, out in the real world...it just didn't pan out. I don't really know why.

NEW SHOES

This has nothing to do with love, but everything to do with personal health...I just spent $100 on a pair of shoes. Now the good part is that they are $130 shoes, and they are really comfortable with a lot of support, but man if I get injured, I am going to feel horrible. And sure, we are in no great shape financially these days, but it seems like a good purchase. Anyway, the love is waning, as I see people in the stores and library and didn't really "bring it". Now I didn't eat today, so that may have impacted my treatment of others. I pray that my heart is in better shape tomorrow.

HOME OFFICE

Well there haven't been a lot of days where we actually have taken advantage of our "home office" but today, it was like truly working from home. Here I was, in my pj's, at the computer all day...working! I have to admit, that I just feel like a better person since doing this whole "love" thing. And I have really tried to love everyone. I have to thank you buddy for all you have been doing to my spirit. I know that there is a long journey ahead, but this surely is a much better way to live.

NAP TIME

Well, I put the nap in God's hands and wouldn't you know it, not only did everything get done today, but I also felt pretty darn good doing it. Now I know that I am supposed to talk about love here. And I know that this past weekend I totally just told God that my heart is his and that whatever I need to do to have a passionate faith, a faith that comes from the heart and not the head, then let that happen. But I have taken another course tonight in my line of thought. Tonight, I really began to wonder "what if this dream job ain't really what I am called to do?" What if God is calling me to do something else? It seems totally bonkers that this wouldn't work. It seems totally nuts for me not to do this. What I wonder is though, when is the excitement for the work going to start? When is the passion going to begin? It is not like I hate doing the work, but as I go through the process, there is nothing that excites me about doing this. I wonder if it is fear that I am dealing with, the fear of failure. Or is it fear that I won't really be good at this. Or do I feel insufficient to work, not in this ministry, per se, but as a member of the CCC staff? For some reason I really don't look forward to most of what I have been doing in this role and I have to wonder if there is anything that I am ever going to be excited about.

LIVIN' IN THE MOMENT

We had no plan, had nothing to do, and the day still turned out all right. I was totally selfish, and feel completely worn down, but I just have to get my mind right.

DELI SANDWICH

Two in a row, we've had great sandwiches at church meetings. Craig really was awesome to, what a great guy. And it was great to do the Star Wars party again. Freddy is gone, and I am looking forward to some sleep.

HOME AND SCHOOL

I have to admit, it is great just seeing what people will do at these Home and School meetings! I loved doing the interviews. Unfortunately, we accomplished pretty much nothing at this meeting, but that is pretty much par for the course. Is it self-pity if I am dead-tired from getting up at 2:00 and have to get up at 3:00 tomorrow? At least some stuff is getting done.