FREDDY

Freddy is back, and once again he seems to have made a positive difference in my life. I don't know how or why, but I always feel better after spending a day with Freddy. Maybe it is being more selfless. Maybe it is doing something for others, which always feels good. But man, after an hour, my defeated, frustrated self was excited about life again. I don't get it, but I should try and understand because there is something about being with that dog that gets me back on track.

BERTU

grtughredyuryueryreerureyryueru7e84rsereury748rurtawf549694328aq06845849549030675-407604nfjdjdkwedjkfkjrfejirertjkirtui56utyugtugherftuutuutut54u5tueuuuuuuuuuuuirueruruueihryryryryruruyruyryudrrghjfuhfyrfyfuyruruefyuvfhugyfygfurjrfytyfvuity4hiuyiutureuitiuturtgututuitttututututuiutututtuitutititiiutututityuitutytruturuitrtriuortuiotyututruittututuiiututututuyuyttttyuitryrteyurtuyreeruyryuryutryrtyreyryuretyervtgroierioeoewlrejyhtr568945934fijrtjirrtio45iorejivghjfgjhgfhjfhjdfjkfrhrfdhfhfhfjhrtguityut45yuk4t5rdnryufuyrtuytyrtutryrtytuyttytytybttrdudytryryrurtyurtelytryliryuftvyuvgtbe4hty6iteyboprpewewioptRIOR3IOEOPEWIOPRPOEWI9TRIRIOEROPREOPEROPEROEIOEIOIEEROIREIO0REIRIREOIREIOREIOREIOPR4IOP4TIO4RTIORTIORIORIORITRIRTI IRITO

CHESS PARTY

It was a day full of activity. First, we read a book in Tessa's class...and Wes' influence was everywhere. Next, we had a Star Wars Party. And then we went to the Chess Party. Mark was so awesome. He played with kids he had never met, kids who obviously knew more than him how to play chess, and you could tell that he didn't like losing, but that he was great after every game, saying good game to the kids and then helped Evan learn how to play. What a great kid!

MICROWAVE

At the start of the day, I said that if the day ended and we had a microwave, then I would be happy. Well, we have a microwave and it only cost $50. So I guess today was a success. The best thing I did was to hang out with Alexa and Uncle Rob. But man, the ability to relate to people, I know that I am just messing those up. I see where God is giving me chances, but man I have to get out of my intrinsic self.

MEETING DAY

Adjusting to life at CCC is getting easier and easier. For the first time though, I met some resistance to the plan of campus pastors having their own partnerships. But it didn't faze me, and I didn't try to change my stance. I feel confident in our team to really create something special, with God's help. As for loving people though, I didn't really reach out to people today, and at the end of the day I feel like I have wasted.

MARK NIGHT

I met with Jon Ferguson today, hung out with the folks and then had Mark night. When God told me this morning that I should hang out with people, go figure...right again. It just feels like I did His work today. Taking time to listen really made a difference. So I guess this God thing does work. I realize even more what I should be doing and how much of a temptation being what the world wants you to be is. I stayed away today, except for the pie. We'll see tomorrow.

STUMPED

This was supposed to be my Sabbath day, the day committed to doing whatever I needed to do to recharge, and at the end of the day, when Alexa asked me what my "best" thing was, I had nothin'. Maybe it was hanging out with Rebel. I turned down Dad, I worked out twice and basically did stuff to catch up around the house. I wonder if this is what God had in mind for that seventh day of rest. I did hear a good podcast on the way home from basketball though. Mark Driscoll was talking about marriage, and it really made me consider if I am willing to go out on the line, to risk having a good marriage. Really we could stay right where we are and it would be no extra effort. If we are going to have a good marriage though, my effort is going to have to improve. I am going to have to take some chances and I will have to be sometimes bold and sometimes working out of my comfort zone. The problem is, inside this makes me feel completely uncomfortable. I question how much I really want our marriage to be great, to be a true friendship. Most days I am just trying to get through the days, completing the tasks that are set before me, but am I really living? It totally feels like I am going through the motions in all that I do. Of course, before I didn't want to do any volunteer stuff, and now when I go to church, if I ain't doing nothing I feel out of place. And when I workout, I never would have known how much my knees and shoulder could do if I didn't just do it. I know what I have to do, or what I should do, but I am really struggling because I don't want to do it.

SWIM

First we shoveled, me and the three kids (minus Tessa). Then we went to the doc and found out that Alexa is growing boobies. Then at Mark's game we saw Mark shoot free throws. He is growing physically and is really great to watch. And then we went swimming, and the kids were out of this world good. Liana passed the blue test after failing twice. Our kids had a great day. Now I did nothing, but when are kids do all of this great stuff, it is about as good as we could ever imagine!

COMPASSION

If you would have told me that I would have to drive seven hours to spend ninety minutes with the Compassion guys...and get a great sandwich...I would do it all over again. It was really cool just getting some information and then getting in touch with the people who I needed to connect with. It's all about kids with Compassion and it could work on a campus by campus basis. Turns out, while I didn't do much for others...and didn't feel the same confidence that I am used to, it was a good life experience today.

HAITI MEETING

It just seemed like a lost day. Made some food, took a nap and caught up with the Home and School and CCC, but man...didn't clean a thing. What was really cool was being at the Haiti meeting and seeing the people who were headed to Haiti, especially the first timers. For the first time, I felt good about going somewhere, felt like me again. Not that it is about me, but it was good to feel good inside.

PADS

Another meeting and a night with the kids, all fails in comparison today to lunch with Bobby and Jeff. While I hate to waste the money, it seems like the passing of their father, these guys really need a father-figure in their life. Now I don't know if I am that guy, but if I am, then I am going to keep on doing this just in case. And if Bobby really looks forward to going to Taco Bell, then we are doing this. Once again, I don't know if this is making any difference, but for the chance that it is, we'll keep eating tacos!

HAITI CALL

I realized today, about half way through the phone call, that in order to pull all of this stuff off, I am going to have to let people be leaders, get rid of my ego and allow people to make mistakes and go about things in their own way. I have to set the vision, give the guidelines and then let others go to work. There is no way that I can do this all by myself. It is so frustrating though, because not only am I way behind in having any knowledge as far as what I am doing, but I am not even a leader, in a leadership role, who has to allow others to lead. It is going to be different! But fun! It should be really fun, although I don't know if I can pull this off.

THE FAST IS BACK!

Ok, so my daughter gave me her ice cream to finish today. I think I have to start saying no, just like candy. But I am back to eating healthy, and that is good. I also did a good job of living in the moment and relying on you and the day worked out so much better. The problem is that the healthy living I am doing is all about me. Was I thinking East View today? Nope. Was I thinking about blessing? Nope. My next stage in learning to love is to lose myself and turn eating over to God!

SNOW DAY

It was great weather yesterday and today...total snow. I ain't sure what happened. But I will say that I decided to give the day to God and it was another great day. I just did stuff around the house and now I do feel refreshed. I know that I need days like this, hopefully not so many, but I feel ready for the day tomorrow.

VISION CCC

I really am wondering about the necessity of all of this stuff. The blog, the journal, the action Bible...it all is worthy, but when do I just "CHILL" with God? Now that I am eating healthy, sleeping pretty good, have a job with meaning, can somebody explain why I still feel "off"? Why am I not excited about going into CCC? Why am I so full of anger at night? I could never have imagined my life turning out this good, yet something just seems a little off.

HOUSE REPAIR

I spent some good people time the last couple of days, so I feel really great right now after a day of "Sabbath", just hanging out around the house doing not much of anything. Now I know that every day can't be like this and that if I live like this all the time, then when I die I will be really disappointed in myself, but once a week, these days really help get me back in order.

TEBOW MANIA

So staying up to watch football may be starting to catch up with me. I did little of significance today. I did hang out with Dave and every time I do I realize how smart he is. I am so lucky to have people like him in my life. I could have done so much more. But...there was so much napping to do. I really should get this together...at least I am making strides.

HOME AND SCHOOL

I love those people. There are such great people in that room. It is why I do it over and over. Really, when it comes down to it, the people who are in charge of Home and School are really special people. It is a tight knit community that has been built there. So I don't know why I am sharing this right now, but it is really good. On the other hand, this online church thing, I wonder if you really want me to do this. Can this be from you? I wanted to give it a shot, and I could care less about the numbers, but it just seems like pulling teeth. I didn't know what to expect, and it has been really great to connect with Dave and Tim...and Jeff. So if that is all that happens, that's still good. But man, I have my doubts sometimes.

HEART MONITOR

This has nothing to do with loving, but as I got my heart monitor, I tried to do everything that I could that would mess with my heart...so that means I put away 128 ounces of pop. The good thing though is that tomorrow I am off it right away. In hindsight, I should have just fasted all day and see how that worked. Oh well, next year. And I was just about ready to give up on the Raiders and then bammo...coming back from an eleven point fourth-quarter deficit they rallied to win in overtime against an undefeated team. It was a great time with Alexa and Liana...nothing to do with love all day, but a fun day!

GETTIN' HEALTHY

While I took care of my body today, there was a lot around the house that didn't get done. The problem is that it is not going to get done tomorrow either. And Thursday doesn't look so good. What does matter is that when I had the chance to be an example to my kids, I blew it. In fact, with all people today, and yesterday, I have been overtly trying to avoid them. I have not been showing love to others, especially strangers. Well that has to end. I don't know if it is the lack of confidence in myself or the lack of feeling good, but I have been not very nice. That has to get better...tomorrow is a new day.