WHAT AM I DOING?

I have gone through a whole day and have done absolutely nothing...what am I accomplishing?

I'M BACK

Now what is going on?

I'M BACK

I just typed out my God blog, so God knows what it is, even if it erased!

I'M BACK

Well, the computer is fixed, the house is in order...and we had the best math class that we have ever had. And to top it all off, I am excited about tomorrow. Life is really turning around! Now I want to believe that it is God, but I am worried that things started to change when I started eating bad food. Now there was a dog here for the past couple of days that was very good for my soul, but what if the food has something to do with my mood. What a bummer that would be. God, I will totally eat unhealthy for you, but do you really want that?

ST. THOMAS

I finally feel good about St. Thomas and I realize what a great deal I had there. Sure, I haven't forgot about the tough times and the work that was involved, but more and more I am realizing how blessed I have been to have had the opportunities that I have had in my life. I am sure that when I look back, these days of teaching will be the same. I just wish I were more at peace, and that each morning didn't start with the same feeling of depression/anger...whatever this is. Even as I write this, I feel stressed and have no idea why. Almost everything is done, the house is in pretty good shape, the kids are doing well...heck, our marriage is even getting better. But still I don't feel good inside. Dude, I didn't even pray today.

JESUS DAY

I was so jacked about going to class. I prepared all day, set up a video and then went to class...and it totally bombed. I just feel so empty after teaching these classes. I wonder if I am really getting through to anybody. Unfortunately, while I may think that this is my territory, and I more than welcome the opportunity to help some people know God, I don't now how successful. I feel like when I was going to Famous Dave's at the end, just going for the paycheck and how worthless that feels. I hope that somebody is gaining from being there, but I really question my ability to do this.

BLOOD DAY

It was another great day of giving blood and hanging out with the folks. But one day after trying to focus on God, the stress of getting stuff done is hitting me again. Why, it is probably due to lack of sleep. Or maybe the boredom of math class. I don't have a very good attitude going in, and while I try to change it, I just wish I were more excited.

GOD CHAT

This was a great day to chat with God. I did see everything in a new way. I was much less under pressure and much more in tune with God, I think. Of course, by the end of the night for fasting day, I was still edgy and crabby. My hope is that when I get back on course, when I am eating tomorrow, then I will get back to peace. I realized that once again my problems come from being too selfish, trying to take too much time filling my own needs, trying to make myself happy and not doing or being there for others. It is a shame that I spend so much time trying to do for myself the things that I don't really want for myself. What I really want is to do God's stuff and when I don't, when I ain't focused on what God wants, I get really messed up inside. So instead of trying to get every ounce of football, instead of worrying about how to have a better marriage, I should just try to spend every minute of every day trying to be like Jesus!

FOOTBALL CHURCH

We did nothing today! It wasn't all that bad. It was a tough Church today though because I know that I have been a not so great husband and that our marriage has struggled because of it. The tough part is that I see no way to make it better. I know there is no way to change my wife, and I don't want to, but I worry for our kids. And I know that I have to start by being a better husband. So I should do that and just hope that you can do stuff too. I know that I have had an easy life, so this should not be such a big deal. In fact, I am grateful for the opportunity to have to totally rely on you for this one with no easy answer in my mind. This is a great reminder that somethings are too big for me.

SOCCER DAY

The Star Wars party went all day, even after soccer. And while it is tough to get the house in order again, really I would work all night long and not sleep if we could have kids at our house all of the time. It is great to have the kids over. Sure, it probably makes me a little more mean/tired, but I have to get over that. It is great to have kids here.

STAR WARS PARTY

Sure, I spent the whole day planning the party. Sure, we could probably do things more productive. But when we had 14 kids in our front room, watching the opening show of Star Wars, it seemed like that was a thing that God really wanted us to do. Even if he didn't, it sure was fun, and to see all the kids from the neighborhood just hanging out together, even if it did make a mess, was awesome!

MEAN STREAK

Why in the world do I spend so much time doing stuff, even when the kids are home? And why am I in such a bad mood? And why don't I do a better job of "be all there" with the adults in my life like Kathy, Amanda, the guy at the library, workers? I sometimes get in such a "do" mode, I forget about "being". Dumb!

NEW SCHEDULE

It seems like having a schedule is going to really be a good thing for me in my life. It just seems like more gets done and I enjoy the day more. The more and more I do this stay at home dad thing, the better it gets. Now if I could only find the perfect "job" fit, one where I like to go and it is a time of getting away that is healthy instead of taxing. The work isn't what is bad, it is the time I think.

MATH CLASS

It was the best math class yet! I recognized the need for a schedule today. Also, when Mrs. Rodino said that it is time to pass the torch, it really made me think that it was time. I am a little concerned that my volunteer activity is getting a little strenuous. I have to be careful, but also have to be willing to do whatever God wants.

NAP TIME

After a good day of basketball, really enjoying the workout, it was a good morning of nothing but sleeping. I couldn't believe that it was 12:15 when I woke up. I still got my "going out on the town" time in, but it seems as if I still got a lot done. I probably need a schedule, but let's get this house in order this week.

FOOTBALL CHURCH

It was the first Sunday of the year, and it was about as good as it could be. I am facing somewhat of a delimma though. I really enjoy being at CCC, but I don't want to spend too much time away from the family. If I have to miss three Sundays a month, I don't know, maybe that is ok, especially if this online church thing goes down. I'll have to see, but God, if you have any input, let me know. Football is great though!

SABBATH

Is this what God meant when he took a day on the seventh day...spend almost an entire day by the computer? Surprisingly, it was a good day and I am starting to see the benefits of being home and how the house is getting in better order and I am getting in a better frame of mind. I didn't get the long nap in, but it's coming and I am progressing. Life is getting better!

FOOTBALL IS BACK

It's the Saints and the Packers, but I can't get this God thing out of my mind. I really was touched by the writing of the book today. I was writing the chapter about putting people first and realized that I had been doing the exact opposite...focusing on tasks and what is getting done. I feel so bad for being so wrong about how I live my life, but at least today I made some strides in connecting with people.

BRAIN?

I don't know what it is going on. I should be energized when Wednesday class is over, but I am not. I am not exhausted. I am not tired. I am not excited. I just feel like doing nothing. It's like I am sick but I don't feel sick. I am trying, but life just doesn't seem to be working. I have to start thinking positive.

TOUGH CLASS

My brain just completely wouldn't work tonight. There seems to be so much going on, and for some reason, while life should be so easy right now, it just seems that I can't do anything right, that I can't do anything good. My brain just seems so malfunctional. I have to tough it out, but I just wish that life would seem to be easier or more productive or better.

BREAKFAST

I knew that once I had breakfast with Tom and Larry, things would seem better and they sure did. When Tom talked about how living the Christian life can get depressing, or tough, I realized that was all I needed to hear. It was time to stop being a wimp, realizing how great I have it and living for God. If I can just start to get to my schedule, which it seems is starting to form, then all will be good. I just need to give everything to God.

TESSA DAY

Still a mess, but I have to stop thinking of myself. How about God and the people that I am around? What the heck is wrong with me? I have a great life, but everything that I have to do ticks me off.

GREEN LANTERN

We crossed another one off of the list today. And we got the lawn done. While we are starting to get stuff done that needs to get done, I realize that I am in a very bad mood these days, like in that depression stage. There is no reason for it, other than I ain't really working hard at the stuff I am doing. I really don't like this teaching stuff, but I don't really like anything these days. I don't know what to do to make it better. I have spent more time praying, spent more time working out, but life seems so out of order. Help me find a way out.

HE'S BACK

Well it sure has been a while, but now I am back and here to tell you that I am ready to have nothing scheduled. Sure, some stuff has been getting done, but not nearly all I want to...at least the stuff that is really important, like taking care of the family and making life easier for them. I don't know why I am not getting more done, but at least more prayer time is happening. I do think that once the workouts start getting better, the rest of the day will follow!